Watersuck, the nature of Politics, and Scandal-gate

"The family believes my grandfather, Mark Felt Sr, is a great American hero who went well above and beyond the call of duty at much risk to himself to save his country from a horrible injustice." - Nick Jones, Deepthroat's grandson

With all due respect, Mr. Throat can eat a big one.

First and foremost, we must understand that politicians don't live in the same plane of existence that we do. They live in a very priveledged world. And as leaders of the greatest empire mankind has ever seen, American politicians in particular receive a very special priveledge indeed: freedom from conscience. So it's no surprise that lying through their teeth comes as easily and naturally to them as pissing. They're politicians, that's what they do. To change the nature of politicans would require nothing less than completely revamping the political structure, but even that can't happen until we acknowledge the way things are.

Now that said, there is absolutely nothing heroic about ratting out the President. There was certainly no "risk" involved. The "horrible injustice" that we were saved from is, in actuality, that distinctly American brand of representative democracy we know and love, in action. Mr. Throat himself acknowledges that he doesn't "think it was anything to be proud of." You're damn right Deep. For crap's sake, that was JUST what this country needed at the height of the era of disillusionment - something else to further distance the American public from their elected officials.

I contend that "uncovering scandal" is nothing more than a crass political move with the intent to cause unrest. It is a tool whose sole purpose is the outing of opposition from positions of leadership. Nothing more, nothing less. Ever wonder why a particular politican's scandalous behavior is never unearthed by someone of his same party? Hmmm.... So let's stop with all this hero talk. While we're at it, let's quit pretending that "scandal" is a big deal in American politics, and that it deserves big deal coverage in the press. "Public outrage" over something as stupid as Watergate or Clinton-Lewinski is fueled 100% by front page reports and talking heads who try to pass tabloid sensationalism as sophisticated journalism. Fuck you, Pulitzer Prize.

Here's a suggestion for you, mass media: get your heads out of your asses, stop reporting crap like this, and start writing stories that matter. Write about how ineffectual our legislators are. Write about how Republicans have squandered their control of Congress and what they need to do to get things done. Write about how stupid and expensive a "war on (insert inanimate object here)" is. Write about any number of relevant topics. But until a President is performing secret satanic rituals in the Oval Office involving the rape and murder of virgins by the dozen, I don't even want you to THINK about printing the word scandal in a legitimate print news source. ANY mention of the word scandal for anything less than the above reason will be taken for what it is: an unwarrented and partisan agenda against an elected official. That's Scandal-gate for ya.

As for you, Mr. Throat... Well, you're really old, so I don't think we should throw you in prison for being an ass. Still, take heed future whistleblower. You may think that by revealing truths we already know that you are acting in a noble fashion, but you'd be wrong in assuming so. Like Deepthroat, and deservedly so, your name will probably just be forever synonymous with the word "cocksucker."