Newsflash: "Marketing whore" has a literal translation

Some broad in Jersey is selling her body on Ebay as advertising space. Actually, this is her second time to do it in a week. She's definitely riding her five minutes of fame like there's no tomorrow, God bless her. Who needs all the dead weight added on by inconveniences like self-respect, dignity, and modesty.



She says they're real. Please pass the salt.

See: blog buzz, her blog

After reading some of her fanmail she had posted on her site, I felt it appropriate to provide an authoritative exegesis. Enjoy.

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"Hi, with such beautiful full breasts that you have been endowed with, have you everconsidered sending some pictures of them to playboy ? You have the looks and thekind of body that make men's mouths (and other parts)drool!! You should go for itbabe, good luck with the auction."

The first thing to note is the use of the term of endearment, "babe." Often used religiously by guys who wish to become more than "just friends" with their hot acquaintances, this ambitious young chap hopes he can get the hint across in a single email. I'm skeptical. Also, sticking out like a sore thumb is the "you're hot enough to be in Playboy" compliment, meant to butter her up before moving in for the kill. Look buddy, this one might have worked once or twice for you on a semi-conscious, alcohol-poisoned coed, but in general, when girls realize that we think about them naked they give us a mental kick in the balls and forever equate our names with the word sleazy.

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"Would you consider any topless and/or nude advertising as long as it was in goodtaste?(i.e. an ad on your butt and/or breasts while at a nude beach)?"

Wow, transparency abounds. I'm surprised this guy failed to mention that HE's the "ad agency." Read: "I would LOVE to jerk off to you. Please please please please please please send me naked pictures of yourself or let me know ASAP where/when such pictures will be released. Whoops, speaking of release..."

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"people don't understand most young women have nice boobs you are 21 my girlfriend is 33 and still has nice boobs but they are not as nice as when she was 22 but still nice - people forget there are bras and bikinis that push up some also which even makes them look better more rounded people need to know not everone needs inplants to have nice boobs"

Okay buddy, so you've been dating your "girlfriend" for at least 11 years, her "boobs" are not as nice as they once were, and you're an expert on the miracle bra. Here's my advice to you: throw away the porn, move out of mom's trailer (after you give her back her underwear you stole), and find a job worthy of the 45 year old man you are.

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And the grand finale, from the queen of humility, the broad herself.....

"I get noticed everywhere I go."

I'm working on a thesis for this one. It's called "The female species and delusions of grandeur."