"I'm drunk."

The conventionally-dressed black male deadpanned to me this morning as I walked home from Suzanne and Frankie's before work (meaning, 5:20 in the fucking morning). Needless to say, black males are treated with a certain amount of caution on dark, empty streets by small, empty people.

The rundown: was at party for Dell at Spiro's, drunk, lost wallet, tried walking and decided it was too far, needed cash for gas.

I, of course, turned him down as I do anyone who solicits money on the street with the old standby "I'm sorry, I don't have any cash on me (lie). I usually just use my debit card (truth)." Clever fucker that he was, tried to get me to an atm. Pulled out the have-to-be-at-work card and ran away.

Now, I recognize this anecdote is neither particularly amazing or rare, given a West Campus setting, but as I finished my walk home, glancing over my shoulder a few times like a big, paranoid pussyfaced pussy puss puss, I became pensive. Would I have given money to a white guy? Asian? Admittedly, all I had was a $5, and we all know what that gets, so probably no. But, if I had two $1's:

1. Black Male: No
2. Hispanic male: probably not either (sorry Vince)
3. White male: No, fuck whitey
4. Asian male: No, fuck other Asians that don't prepare contingencies.
   
5. Indian male: No....uh...they're hairy.
6. Black female (ghetto): No
7. Black female (not): yes
8. All other females (BMI under 30): yes

And the bottom line of Richard's altruism is: The penis mightier.

(A lot of links, I know, but you fuckers demanded posting. But hey, clicking on a link with your scroll wheel opens it up in a new tab in Firefox. Voila! Clicking on the tab with your scroll wheel closes it. Voila! When I found this out, a little come came out. Voila!)