So fat, they bleed mayonnaise.

I'm a genius.

Ok, here we go. Logic that cuts glass and withstands bombardment by Helium nuclei.

A great proportion of people in America are fat => Fat people makey da big poo (a la "Great Big John toilet") => poo got da fiber and undigested amino and fatty acids and stink => these things burn => burning makes energy => world peace, and uh.....skinny people. I'm still working on this last link.

Ok. Yes, we're not pachyderms. No, I don't want to see that amicable Mr. Hankey immolated for his precious energy content. But shit guys, the wealthy are starting to get fat too, and they don't have the excuse of multiple hourly wage jobs, poorly stocked inner city groceries, and the effect of gang-ridden streets on the length of morning jogs. Let's try burning the poo.

and oh yeah. If my fiance ran out on me like this . I'd demand anal and then donkey punch her. Twice.