Thursday, August 02, 2007

'Cruelty-free' sex: Rejecting meat-eaters as sexual partners

First, I will refer you to the University of Canterbury's (*breath*) National Report on the Perspectives and Experiences of Vegetarians and Other Ethical Consumers.

"Ethical Consumers." I like that one.

Based on responses to the survey around which the authors framed this report, one of the authors coined the term "vegansexual" to refer to "people who do not eat any meat or animal products, and who choose not to be sexually intimate with non-vegan partners." In other words, a vegansexual is a vegan who only fucks other vegans.

Here are some vegansexual quotes (and my comments on them) that made their way into the report:

I believe we are what we consume, so I really struggle with body fluids, especially sexually. [As do I, friend; that's why I get uneasy whenever my date orders the tuna melt.]

I would not want to be intimate with someone whose body is literally made up from the bodies of others who have died for their sustenance. ["Jesus, George, it's a miracle I was even born!"]

I couldn't think of kissing lips that allow dead animal pieces to pass between them. [Lucky for you, all you have to kiss and/or pass through your lips to make me happy is my very much alive, and verily throbbing member.]

I imagine that most vegansexuals must be women; after all, the average man can't afford to be this discriminatory. Sure, there are plenty of chicks that I can't fucking stand*, but that just gives me more of a reason to donkey punch them once I've got them in the doghouse. This includes every nubile, young PETA skank who decides that getting naked is an effective means of protesting anything.

Yes, Meredith, I believe that's my final answer. Donkey punches for all. It's the anti-"cruelty-free sex." Boo ya.

*The short list: career driven women, the kind that want two or fewer children, politically outspoken women, the ones who fashion themselves as the "intellectual type," sloppy women, "sexually liberated" women, the ones who treat misogyny as if it were a concrete reality

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At 5:41 PM, August 02, 2007, Blogger Richard said...

My mysogyny is a pretty concrete reality.....for about 3 minutes after penetration. Then, it's a flaccid reality.


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