Deuce Discussion #5: Swalloween

Arfeo plays dress up.

No, that’s not what I mean. I love Halloween. It’s the only holiday where you can swallow your toxic-dye-soaked Mr. Miyagi mustache and keep rocking like its 1999. I dressed up as a Mormon, Mr. Miyagi and the guy from Memento this Halloween and I must pat myself (not on the crotch this time) for how well it went off. My Miyagi was so good that one of my best friends drove by me and admitted thinking to himself “what a crazy old Asian bastard.”

Another reason to love Halloween, it’s the only holiday where you are to be commended for instigating ethnic slurs. I also love it because it’s the only time where you can stand there wearing a diaper and a baby bib, watch some hotshot walk by in a designer suit and comment, “douche bag”. Seriously, who goes to a Halloween party without getting dressed?

The only thing I don’t love about it is how belligerently drunk some people get at parties. I was at a bar and a girl began butting in front of everyone saying “I’m a girl, let me through.” I wouldn’t let her through and she began raising a fuss behind me that I tried to ignore, but I could tell she was annoying not only me, but everyone at the bar. Finally she called me a little bitch for not letting her through so I turned around, pointed to my ear like I couldn’t understand her and said “I’m sorry, I don’t speak cunt”. She tried to get her boyfriend to raise a fuss but Miyagi was with Daniel san and about twenty cobra kai.

Speaking of which, mad props to the cobra kai this weekend. They all spent five hours (home from work) getting the exact costume down to every yellow stripe and emblem. I didn’t even know there was such a thing as paper you could iron onto fabrics. That’s the beauty of Halloween though isn’t it? We all turn five again and get into the costume thing. I just wish my costume didn’t entail silver hair spray on my mustache that caused me to hallucinate halfway through the night. Oh well, I hope my good memories weren’t just figments of my hallucination, and I hope everyone had a good experience too.