Daddy, this music makes me tingle in my special places

As AIDS-infestedly homosexual that the NFL has become in the last decade or so, it's still got one thing going for it: theme music. Sure, never again will we rock out with our cocks out to the sounds of Bocephus, but maybe now we'll be able to more fully appreciate the glory that lies within the sounds of the instrumental themes.

Time to run through them.

First, there's the obvious NFL Films, the music and production value of which give every red-blooded American man instant wood. Steve Sabol should run for president, with Sam Spence on the ticket for VP.



Then there are the Big Three NFL networks - FOX, CBS, and now NBC. FOX probably has the best one. Doo-de-doo doo-de-doooohn... When you hear those horns give the call to battle, you know that it's time to play. It sounds like the theme music of conquerors (which it is, of course, since FOX covers the NFC), which may be contradicted with the bleak sounding, yet still epic and sweeping, CBS (AFC) theme, Posthumus Zone.

And as we all know by now, this year we will add a new tune to the mix. NBC hired no less a mastermind than John Williams to compose its NFL theme, and I think he definitely delivered a dandy. It's sort of a "Meesah wanna fighta dem Battle Droids" Williams, crossed with a Spence NFL Films anthem, which I think fucking rocks. I just played it before I went and asked my boss for a raise, to pump myself up.

Listen at Deadspin.

And one more time, for old time's sake... "Bum bum bum buuuuuuuuum!"



Hooray, football.

Of course, as we all know, John Tesh's "Roundball Magic" is pretty much the pinnacle of Network sports theme music.



Asians are funny.