The history of PunkRockerVince

Way, way back in the day my family had AOL. Well, I say "my family," but it's probably more accurate to just say "I had AOL," because even though my dad paid for it, I was the only who used it. Ever.

My original screen name was MrSmee069. Clever, yes? I pretty much lived in the VH1 chat room, wasting hours and hours talking shit about Hanson and The Wallflowers, or praising the Smashing Pumpkins and Bush, or trying to pick up chicks. Online. Pick up chicks. Online.

[Pause. Navigate Ipod to "Sixteen Stone." Continue]

This is how every, single conversation I ever had with any girl on AOL *EVER* went:

some chick: a/s/l?
me: 13/m/tx, you?
chick: 14/f/ca (they were all from California, defying both logic and geography)
me: what do you look like?
chick: 5'3", blonde, blue eyes, tan, slim. what about you?
me: man, you sound hot. i'm 6'(!?!), brown hair and eyes, half-Mexican.
chick: you sound cute, too. what kind of music do you listen to?
me: alternative, grunge, punk, inustrial (!?!), ska, hard rock. you? (no, I never listened to anything industrial, but it always sounded cool to claim it)
chick: i like anything but country.
me: yeah, i hate country. i won't listen to rap either.
.
.
.

Etc.

And so the seeds of the punk rocker were sown, even though I think the punkest thing I was listening to then was "Dookie."

Eventually, my dad cancelled AOL, so I had to give up the MrSmee069 screen name. Thank Jesus. This was right around the time that Netzero did their "free internet" advertising blitz, maybe 9th or 10th grade, and I jumped right on board with that.

["It's the little things that kill..."]

Obviously, priority numero uno was getting back into the AIM swing of things. So there I was, staring at the screen, wondering what could ever replace Mr Smee as my handle. In what would reveal itself to be a moment of divine inspiration, I looked up, the clouds parted, and God the Father himself placed the word "PunkRockerVince" on my tongue.

And it was born. Of course, by now I had upgraded my punkness to Epitaph fanboy status, so it was a legitimate name. From this point forward, every electronic identifier I had was PunkRockerVince: log-ins, user names, email addresses. It wasn't until about my sophomore year in college that I realized how retarded it was for me to actually give out an email address that automatically identified me as an adolescent with anarchy envy.

But because I'm a lazy fuck, I've never changed it. Besides, I've gotten over the embarrassment. PunkRockerVince will live on.

["Got a machine head..."]

Something else I just thought of: I downloaded a LOT of porn for a LOT of years on a shitty dialup connection. I think this speaks to my dedication and perseverance. Word.

From the height of my "punk" days: