Greatest sports night of the Summer and the Real World

Seriously, could yesterday have been any sweeter? We got not one but TWO ass-kickingly sweet college baseball games, a rockin' game six (leading up to a DECIDING GAME 7!) in the Finals, a 20-11 slugfest, AND we were treated to yet another Big Papi multi-homer night. If I would've had a blank tape laying around I would've set it to record every Sportscenter from last night I could squeeze onto it. So amazing.

Okay, you wonder, but did you still you have time to catch the hour-long first episode of the newest Real World? Of course! My commercial break management and PIP action allowed me to reach all-new, never before seen levels of channel maneuverability... i.e., I caught it all. First, allow me to preface by saying that I cannot stand these shows. The indescribable pleasure obtained from seeing young, nubile women slut themselves around and, well, be hot is still eclipsed by the overwhelming guilt associated with wasting life-hours watching shallow people wallow in a perpetual bitch-fest. Longest sentence ever. That said, this season is in the 512. Our town. I have to keep an eye of those egocentric assholes to make sure they don't do anything stupid.

For a really good play-by-play and hilarious commentary, go here to see what you missed on the first episode. For now I'd just like to point out that out of 7 cast members, 2 are 19, 4 are 21, and 1 is 23. Oh yeah, and the 23 year old wasn't even introduced until AFTER the first commercial break, is Christian, is a virgin, and is 100% faithful to her boyfriend back home.... so it's a safe to say that she probably got more air time on this episode than she will the entire rest of the season combined. What are we left with, boys and girls?. Three males at their sexual peak and three skank-ass 'hos. Seriously, the entrance narrative should be changed to "This is what happens when you let 6 kids live on their own, booze them out of their skulls every night, and watch them fuck like rabbits." I'm not really sure what could be less interesting than watching someone else re-live my college years.

But like I said, it's Austin, and I have to watch just to see how they paint the town. In the first episode there was already a case of random hoodlums on sixth street assaulting the drunken cast members while they were already down. Assaulting, as in pretty-boy-Danny getting his skull fractured by a cold cock. HA! Fuck you Beantown, down here we go blindside cheap shot on your punk ass. Yeah, I'm not really sure what I think about all that, but it seemed pretty cool because it was Sixth Street on Tuesday night and the cops were just watching the whole thing. Actually, fuck it... I wish I would've been there to give him a nice boot to the head too.

Okay, worthless post #835287 out of the way. For real though, make sure you watch this season. Or not. Oh yeah, and don't forget to take the sexiest driver poll and check out Robert Horry's greatest shots. And for the love of all that is holy, be home and have the TV on ESPN at 6:00 tonight, wearing burnt orange and drinking.