Deuce Discussion #6: Welcome to Narkea

Today, join Arfeo on his magical journey into the heart of the beast.

If you wish to traverse the mythical lands of Narnia, look no further than your local friendly Swedish furniture peddler, Ikea. My fiancé and I began looking for furniture for our new household on Saturday but what we found was much more than just a store. No, much like Narnia and the wardrobe the Ikea store did not seem that large from the outside, but the vast expanse on the inside was belied by its exterior.

You walk in and suddenly you’re hit with a dizzying maze of potpourri and futons. They herd you like cattle quickly along a path marked with arrows, your ears bombarded with children, cheap store radio music and whistles. You’re disoriented and you catch a glimpse of a particle board wardrobe, a stuffed lion and a blue and yellow clad woman that looks strangely like a witch. Wait, was that a minotaur? No, just a gaudy floor piece with an elk’s head.

Just like Narnia, they speak many foreign tongues in Ikea. To order a piece, you must know its name and its color. I found myself requesting pieces of furniture whose names reminded me of the nonsensical babbling of the old Swedish Chef Muppet. I would like a “wirbly wirbly” in the “wirbly” color with the “wirbly wirbly wirbly” finish. Finally, daylight and sense make its way back into your world when you approach the end.

And in the end of your journey, much like Narnia, you feel as if you have been gone forever, but in the world of humans you have been gone only an hour. Your hair is grey and ragged, your beard grizzled like an old man, but your watch says 4:45. Only you know the adventures you have had in the distant, far away lands.