Tuesday, November 08, 2005

Deuce Discussion #6: Welcome to Narkea

Today, join Arfeo on his magical journey into the heart of the beast.

If you wish to traverse the mythical lands of Narnia, look no further than your local friendly Swedish furniture peddler, Ikea. My fiancé and I began looking for furniture for our new household on Saturday but what we found was much more than just a store. No, much like Narnia and the wardrobe the Ikea store did not seem that large from the outside, but the vast expanse on the inside was belied by its exterior.

You walk in and suddenly you’re hit with a dizzying maze of potpourri and futons. They herd you like cattle quickly along a path marked with arrows, your ears bombarded with children, cheap store radio music and whistles. You’re disoriented and you catch a glimpse of a particle board wardrobe, a stuffed lion and a blue and yellow clad woman that looks strangely like a witch. Wait, was that a minotaur? No, just a gaudy floor piece with an elk’s head.

Just like Narnia, they speak many foreign tongues in Ikea. To order a piece, you must know its name and its color. I found myself requesting pieces of furniture whose names reminded me of the nonsensical babbling of the old Swedish Chef Muppet. I would like a “wirbly wirbly” in the “wirbly” color with the “wirbly wirbly wirbly” finish. Finally, daylight and sense make its way back into your world when you approach the end.

And in the end of your journey, much like Narnia, you feel as if you have been gone forever, but in the world of humans you have been gone only an hour. Your hair is grey and ragged, your beard grizzled like an old man, but your watch says 4:45. Only you know the adventures you have had in the distant, far away lands.

11 Comments:

At 8:04 AM, November 08, 2005, Blogger angel, jr. said...

It's easier to just follow the yellow brick road! But C.S. Lewis still rocks!

 
At 8:24 AM, November 08, 2005, Anonymous Dellach said...

I feel your pain man. The girlfriend and I went shopping for "refridgerators" on Sunday. We left at 11:30 am and returned at 7:30 pm. Total number of places we went that actually had refridgerators: 1. Did we buy one? No.

 
At 9:33 AM, November 08, 2005, Anonymous frankiefirfox said...

You should just do what I do: REFUSE TO GO! All you need to say is get what you like, because, let's face it, I don't care. I guess the big difference is I am not paying for these items, she is. I love being a kept man.

 
At 9:44 AM, November 08, 2005, Blogger Vince said...

Life is rough, huh Frank?

 
At 11:05 AM, November 08, 2005, Anonymous frankiefirefox said...

You know it.
In keeping with yesterday's theme of rememberance, I got drunk at 3 in the afternoon and totally ignored my commitments to studying and instead concentrated on defeating the Empire on the Xbox.

 
At 2:43 PM, November 08, 2005, Blogger Vince said...

Fuck studying. It's not a real life skill like drinking, anyway.

 
At 5:35 PM, November 08, 2005, Blogger Vince said...

And for the record, Narkea is about as patently Arfeo as you can get. Well done.

 
At 7:59 PM, November 08, 2005, Blogger Tito said...

Yes its much like my taime at chi phi

 
At 8:16 PM, November 08, 2005, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Refuse to go? Are you crazy? I ended up having to pick everything up from the store in Frisco (BFE) anyways, and they wouldn't let me just drop stuff off at the front so I literally had to push three carts with half a ton of furniture on it for about half of a mile. If I'm having to do all that, I'd like to have some say as to what gets bought

 
At 8:45 PM, November 10, 2005, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Oh hush, you did have a say in what was bought!!!! You had just as much fun as I did. If I could have been in Dallas, I WOULD have helped you. =) Love...your future wife! WIRBLE WIRBLY FLUGATAGEN...and that's with TWO dots,Bitches!!! ;)

 
At 12:15 AM, November 11, 2005, Blogger Vince said...

This is greatness.

 

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