Monday, August 07, 2006

How I became a genius

Other than the obvious genetic factor, I've come up with five environmental agents from my small childhood that each contributed to the development of my now genius level intellect.

  1. Eggs. Specifically, egg sandwiches. Sunny side up, on buttered white toast with mayonnaise, sliced American cheese, and liberal doses of salt and pepper. From ages 2-17, I probably consumed thousands of these. I'm not sure exactly how it worked, but somehow the massive, sustained protein intake worked like some kind of wonderful on my brainpower.
  2. Sweet Pickles. And not just the books. I'm talking about the activity cards that came in their own little plastic carrying bus. And a plethora of activities there were - from alphabet stuff, to numbers and counting, arts and crafts, finger puppets, and experiments, Sweet Pickles covered it all. Good investment, Mom.
  3. Sesame Street. A steady, daily diet. Learning to recognize the guest stars also added to a general pop culture basis of knowledge.
  4. The encyclopedia set. Collier's. Also a good investment, although I think this one was Pop's. When I was a kid I can remember browsing the encyclopedia for hours on end. I'd start on a subject, read the article, and then follow up with whatever it told me to "See also..." In this way, I gave our 24 volume set some major mileage. (This is really interesting because even to this day I still do the exact same thing, for hours on end, only via the internet. Ah, progress...)
  5. Equal parts Television and Reading time. Ass-loads of both. Obviously.

And that about does it. So now you know what you need to do to produce a genius child in my mold.

Or, if you're a hot chick, I'll just impregnate you and we can call it even.

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At 11:38 AM, August 07, 2006, Blogger Tito said...

You can impregnate me anytime

At 7:44 AM, August 08, 2006, Anonymous Virg said...

Holy shit the sweet pickles bus! Man that takes me back.
Fuckin hell, we are soooo old now! Are own kids would laugh there asses off at that low tech bull shit. It didn't even require batteries.

At 11:10 AM, August 08, 2006, Blogger Brian said...

a much easier solution is to be born to asian parents. sure, there's an inverse IQ to genitalia size correlation, but cest la vie.

At 11:11 AM, August 08, 2006, Blogger Brian said...

also important to note...richard is smarter than me. aren't you richard? much, much smarter.

At 10:26 PM, April 24, 2007, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Enjoyed a lot! » »


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