I really should be working

You know those songs with which you have very vivid memories associated? Those are the best.

Westside Connection - "Bow Down"

I was a Boy Scout for about ever. In seventh grade, my troop reached its peak diversity, when we had not one, not two, but three black kids active. It was November, and we were on our annual camping trip at Enchanted Rock. One of the black kids, maybe Ivan, maybe Roger, had a mix tape with this song on it, and we listened to it all weekend.

Anyhow, sometime during the weekend I got into a bit of a scuffle with another kid, which culminated in me pinning him down to the ground by his throat, and yelling at him that he'd better - you guessed it - bow down.

Actually, I lied, that wasn't really the culmination. After I let him go and was walking away I heard someone else holler "Watch out!" I spun around just in time to see a tent stake zing by my head, narrowly missing its intended target. The kid then grabbed another stake, gripped it Psycho style, and charged me. I fled, until he was stopped by an assistant Scoutmaster. Good trip.



Soul Asylum - "Runaway Train"

When I was in elementary school, I used to listen to the request and dedication hour on 98.7 K-Lite religiously. It was from 9-10 PM. There were several songs for which I would wait in eager anticipation to hear: Meatloaf's "I'd Do Anything for Love", Bon Jovi's "Living On a Prayer", Napoleon XIV's "They're Coming to Take Me Away, Ha-Haa!", and of course, "Runaway Train". I loved that one.

We all know what the song is about, right? Right, keep that in mind. One day I got my dad to call it in and request it for me. I was so excited, until I finally heard him on the radio, ending his request with, "...and I'd like to dedicate it to my son, Vincent." Gee thanks, Pop, for the public humiliation.



Lisa Loeb - "Stay"

Remember those general fitness tests you used to have to do when you were young, where they would measure your body fat, and time your sprints, and stuff like that? Well, we were doing one of those. We were in the chin-up phase, it was my turn. Oh yeah, and our coach had the radio on.

I was probably on about chin-up number 12,000 when this song came on. All the girls started singing, and I fell immediately. It was like fucking kryptonite.

Lisa Loeb is pretty cute, though.



The entireties of both the Black Album and Appetite for Destruction

In fourth grade, we took a week long field trip to the Prude Ranch, out in the Davis Mountains near Ft. Davis. It was maybe a 5 or 6 hour drive. We counted on parents to drive, and I drove with Jon's mom.

A little about Jon. He moved to my city/school in second grade. Under his tutelage, it didn't take long until every boy in the class was dropping f-bombs with the greatest of ease. Also, he introduced me to the joy that is marathon, all-night Nintendo playing. And I may have even had my first homosexual experience at his house (kidding...). He moved away in fifth grade, but his four years with us left a life-long impression.

Now, not only was this a 10 hour round trip, there were several more hours of driving involved once we were actually at the ranch - off to Marfa to see the lights, went to check out McDonald Observatory, etc. In the Suburban, Jon not only had an anti-skip Discman, but he had the car kit! (He had fucking everything.)

Guess which two CDs were alternately played, non-stop, every second we were in the car?

I had nightmares starring Axl's voice and Hammett's fingers for a month.



George Strait - "I Cross My Heart"

Eighth grade. School dance. Last song. Pure Country. You fucking know it.

So here I am slow-dancing with this chick, when I pop a mad, mad chubby. She's pretty much a pro though, so she just proceeds to rub one out with her hip like there is no tomorrow, no questions asked. Seriously, she had the moves of a seasoned stripper. What can I say?

Our love was unconditional; we knew it from the start.
I saw it in her eyes, she could feel it in my... err, heart.

I found out that the next weekend she had sex with some douchebag seventh grader in her parent's pool.

Fucking skank.