Thursday, February 23, 2006

More movie fun

Today we take a return to trip to the Family Fantasy Adventure of the 80's.

D.A.R.Y.L. ~10 viewings

This one stars that whiny little punk who played Bastian in The Neverending Story. This time he is Daryl - a Data Analyzing Robot Youth Lifeform. That's right, he's a robot! And let me tell you, being a robot pays dividends on the ol' baseball diamond. The story is a brilliant re-telling of a timeless tale. Government creates robot. Robot escapes government. Government must destroy robot. If they ever get around to making a sequel, they should call it Robocock 2.

Mac and Me. ~5

Ah, Mac and Me. Think: E.T., only starring a cripple kid. And with an alien that looks like a cross between a vagina and the Hamburgler. And about 1.5 million times suckier. Mac is yet another acronym, he is a Mysterious Alien Creature. Ohhhhh. Again, we are presented with a timeless tale. Government finds alien. Alien escapes government. Government must destroy alien. The only distinct detail I remember from this one is a scene when the handicapped kid rolls down a hill, uncontrollably. He's got such a pathetic sounding scream. F'ing hilarious.

Harry and the Hendersons. ~2

I don't really know what to say about this one. It's the timeless tale of John Lithgow vs. a mythological creature of the Pacific Northwest. Que mas quieres?

Honey, I Shrunk the Kids ~25

This one's got the winning recipe: a kooky patriarch, a milf, kids coming of age (relatively angst-free), and the adventure of a lifetime. The special effects are the coolest, Rick Moranis is the poop, and the jokes are a laugh a minute. The definitive transition piece from the 80s to the 90s, as far as the family adventure genre is concerned. Also, the VHS version came with a Roger Rabbit short, as a special feature. Unbeatable.

Flight of the Navigator ~20

You'll notice I'm saving the best ones for last. This is the greatest family fantasy film of the 1980s, if not of all time. We've got time travel. We've got an alien voiced over by Paul Reubens. We've got a cute critter. We've got a tear-jerking homecoming. We've got Sarah Jessica Parker as a Twisted Sister groupie. We've got Howard Hesseman as a NASA scientist with a heart of gold. We've got self-confidence and morale boosting in an otherwise self-conscious prepubescent. But most of all, we've got fun.

The Neverending Story ~30

Turn around. Look at what you see in her face, the mirror of your dreams. Make believe I'm everywhere. Hidden in the lines, written on the pages, is the answer to our never ending story.
Ahhhh ahhhhhh ahhhhhh.
Never ending story.
Ahhhh ahhhhhh ahhhhhh.
Seriously, the fucking Germans are weird. Classic though it is, what may be the most redeeming quality of this film is that it set the stage for The Neverending Story II: The Next Chapter, starring the immortal Jonathan Brandis.

Labyrinth/The Dark Crystal ~30/20

Labyrinth is worth the price of admission for Bowie's junk alone. Kidding aside these movies are proof-positive that organic special effects and live-action fantasy in general are infinitely more appealing than CGI. These movies represent the pinnacle of Henson studio's artistic achievement, and serve as a sad reminder that we will never see anything like them again (although Strings did come really close).

Which ones did I miss?


At 9:17 AM, February 23, 2006, Blogger Brian said...

sure, john williams is great, but who gets the props for the neverending story? f'ing limahl man. f'ing kajagoogoo. anybody else still hot for the empress?

At 9:23 AM, February 23, 2006, Anonymous Dellach said...

Mac and Me was pure shit. Remember the final scene of that movie where the alien family was driving away in the convertible and the bubble came up from the car that read, "We'll be back!"

Well, they never came back.

I downloaded Limahl's "Neverending Story" theme song one night cause I thought it would be funny. Turns out I felt extremely gay afterwards.

At 11:05 AM, February 23, 2006, Blogger mrshife said...

A young Jennifer Connelly in the Labyrinth. Very nice. But not as nice as when she gets nekkid in that Don Johnson movie.

At 11:16 AM, February 23, 2006, Blogger angel, jr. said...

I've never watched any of those movies from the beginning to end.

At 11:32 AM, February 23, 2006, Blogger Vince said...

I do remember that at the end of Mac and Me, Dellach, now that you mention it. You're right. Pure shit.

I fapped to Jennifer Connelly in The Hot Spot. Thrice.

Angel - this is saddening to hear. At least now you know what you have to do.

At 2:25 PM, February 23, 2006, Anonymous Dellach said...

Oh yeah, and next time you watch the Neverending Story, check out how the Rockeater looks eerily similar to John Madden.

At 9:10 PM, February 23, 2006, Blogger Vince said...

Ace is the place!

At 9:26 PM, February 23, 2006, Blogger coloradohurricane said...

i always thought that girl in "honey I shrunk the kids" was cute in a girl-next-door sort of way.

At 12:09 AM, February 24, 2006, Blogger GIZMO said...

The first thing I though of was Limahl as well dude. Hellz yes. And FotN was the shizzle. It shall forever be known as FotN.

At 8:13 PM, February 24, 2006, Blogger Tito said...

flight of the navigator is the best movie of all time


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