Monday, February 06, 2006

Well, well, well

I am up to my eyeballs in shit at work, so out of necessity I will be brief.

First of all, as intrinsically homosexual that the NFL is, the Superbowl is just straight-up fucking gay. I'm not being facetious, either. It is butt-fuckingly, cum-guzzingly, carpet burn on your face GAY. I hate it.

Now that we have that out of the way, I'm trying to figure out why the NFL blows on such an epic scale. This may be elitist snobbery, but who gives a shit: I think it's the fanbase. Who out there claims as their favorite sports team ever a professional football team? Yeah, you know the kind of guys I'm talking about. They're about half a step up from fucking NASCAR fans.

Let's face the cold, hard truth: anyone who lives and dies by the NFL these days is a damn meathead. Nothing else could explain why you would suffer yourself to care about such a micromanaged, pre-packaged, corporate fed, downright blasé sports league. And yes, I have a nearly identical gripe about the NBA.

The Superbowl is like that point toward the end of a gay orgy when so much semen has been flying around for so long and everyone's ass is so ripped to bloddy shreds that it attracts the attention of even the most nonchalant of bystanders. Shocked, yet totally transfixed by the spectacle, they say, "Wow, I usually don't do the whole gay thing - but look, in between facials we get funny commercials AND halftime entertainment! Fuck yeah, I'm down!"

GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY

I know, that was completely over the line.

10 Comments:

At 12:40 PM, February 06, 2006, Anonymous frankiefirefox said...

Glad to hear that you are finally working hard!
Thank you for using "meathead." It's a great word. Archie Bunker would be proud.

 
At 1:18 PM, February 06, 2006, Blogger angel, jr. said...

You leave such visual images in your readers minds. "end of the gay orgy when so much semen has been flying aroundfor so long and everyone's ass is so ripped to bloody shreds that it attracts the attention of even the most nonchalant of bystanders". Thanks for that picture which I won't be able to get out of my head.

 
At 3:00 PM, February 06, 2006, Blogger Tito said...

college football rules

 
At 3:54 PM, February 06, 2006, Blogger Richard said...

I hate how people look at me at the end of my orgies. Fucking hypocrites.

 
At 5:51 PM, February 06, 2006, Blogger mrshife said...

You need to change the video of the week to the "Super Bowl is gay" by that Andy Milonakis kid.

 
At 7:56 PM, February 06, 2006, Blogger Deals On said...

If I'm not mistaken, you just excoriated your approval of the Super Bowl. I have to say though, NFL does not compare to College Football. I agree with you Vince, it's to commercialized.

 
At 10:35 PM, February 06, 2006, Blogger A little out of sorts... said...

ahhhhh.....you're just upset cuz your team LOST.

 
At 9:52 AM, February 07, 2006, Anonymous Cody said...

I stopped watching the game to take a nap. Shooting arrows down the street and golfballs into the lake earlier was so much more fun than watching overpaid athletes play for bonus checks.

 
At 10:36 AM, February 07, 2006, Blogger Vince said...

I stopped watching to barf. On myself.

 
At 10:26 PM, February 08, 2006, Anonymous Baby Mama said...

One of my professors talks about NASCAR atleast twice a week. Weird, huh?

 

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