Tuesday, October 11, 2005

Deuce Discussion #1: OU Game, Somewhat Dissatisfying

The regular column is back. This time we've recruited one of our more (il?)legitimate brothers, Arfeo, to do what he does best. No, it's not "minding the stepchildren," but rather, "telling it like it is." We hope to someday add his name to the sidebar and officially upgrade to a Tetrumvirate. Enjoy.

There are many things that don’t quite feel as good as you thought it would. That first time you have sex, four pumps of glory don’t quite hit the spot. That first drink of alcohol, and the resulting uncontrollable choking that followed. I was disappointed when I graduated college, because I realized that I never really accomplished anything other than liver damage. My first Communion, since I was too young to truly understand the significance, was simply stale bread put on my tongue by a guy whose hand smelled like he just gave an altar boy “the stinky fishy”. Becoming a frat boy, I was tempered slightly when I realized that I had joined the only fraternity that actually made the possibility of being laid LESS likely.

No, but beyond all of these is this years Texas – OU game. Don’t get me wrong, I’m glad we won and we may have a shot at the big worthless crystal football, but it just didn’t feel as satisfying as I thought it would. It wasn’t an orgasm, I didn’t feel drunk, I wasn’t jumping up and down like after OSU and I did not light up a cigarette afterwards. Perhaps it’s because when someone slaps your woman, kicks you in the balls, steals all your money and urinates on your shoe, you don’t feel like a conquering hero when you point and him and say “you’re an asshole man.” Perhaps it’s because we beat a retarded paraplegic version of OU this year. Or, perhaps it was because my theory that our offense can’t put up consistent points against a comparably talented team wasn’t disproved. More than likely, though, it’s because we didn’t get to rob them of the chance to go to the national title game the way they had done to us the last few years.

7 Comments:

At 11:08 PM, October 10, 2005, Anonymous Anonymous said...

For the love of God...and ALL that is Holy....No More Stinky Fishy!!!

 
At 9:17 AM, October 11, 2005, Anonymous Codimus Maximus said...

I think those cock-gobbling Sooners planned it this way. Even in a year that we beat them they could still mess up our chances for greatness. I think we should just glass Norman with a WMD because I'm tired of them fucking things up and contaminating the g... ah fuck it. Let's look forward to the Colorado game!

 
At 9:30 AM, October 11, 2005, Anonymous Dellach said...

YES! A picture of Dell'Accio on the blog! And a classic one at that.

On a different note, Deuce, I understand your feelings, but did you not bask in at least some glory? Come on man, this was FIVE YEARS in the making! Were you not pointing and laughing at the screen hysterically at poor Rhett Blo-mar on the ground, and Adrian Peterson on the sidelines? Were you not frantically masturbating in the final waning seconds of the game to get one last one in before the game was over? Uhh, I wasn't, but Tito was.

 
At 11:47 AM, October 11, 2005, Blogger mrshife said...

My most vivid moment that didn't feel as good as I thought it would was when I popped my cherry. It was a drunken fiasco. I felt like a retarded gymnast.

 
At 3:49 PM, October 11, 2005, Blogger Richard said...

God damnit, you Negative Nancy.

 
At 4:03 PM, October 11, 2005, Blogger Vince said...

shife, that sounds strikingly familiar...

 
At 7:44 PM, October 13, 2005, Blogger Tito said...

dammit dellaccio! I told you not to tell everyone of my masterbation sessions to longhorns games.

 

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