Deuce Discussion #1: OU Game, Somewhat Dissatisfying

The regular column is back. This time we've recruited one of our more (il?)legitimate brothers, Arfeo, to do what he does best. No, it's not "minding the stepchildren," but rather, "telling it like it is." We hope to someday add his name to the sidebar and officially upgrade to a Tetrumvirate. Enjoy.

There are many things that don’t quite feel as good as you thought it would. That first time you have sex, four pumps of glory don’t quite hit the spot. That first drink of alcohol, and the resulting uncontrollable choking that followed. I was disappointed when I graduated college, because I realized that I never really accomplished anything other than liver damage. My first Communion, since I was too young to truly understand the significance, was simply stale bread put on my tongue by a guy whose hand smelled like he just gave an altar boy “the stinky fishy”. Becoming a frat boy, I was tempered slightly when I realized that I had joined the only fraternity that actually made the possibility of being laid LESS likely.

No, but beyond all of these is this years Texas – OU game. Don’t get me wrong, I’m glad we won and we may have a shot at the big worthless crystal football, but it just didn’t feel as satisfying as I thought it would. It wasn’t an orgasm, I didn’t feel drunk, I wasn’t jumping up and down like after OSU and I did not light up a cigarette afterwards. Perhaps it’s because when someone slaps your woman, kicks you in the balls, steals all your money and urinates on your shoe, you don’t feel like a conquering hero when you point and him and say “you’re an asshole man.” Perhaps it’s because we beat a retarded paraplegic version of OU this year. Or, perhaps it was because my theory that our offense can’t put up consistent points against a comparably talented team wasn’t disproved. More than likely, though, it’s because we didn’t get to rob them of the chance to go to the national title game the way they had done to us the last few years.