You are the ones who are the ball-lickers

• For a few fleeting seconds, I had a vision of an official poll, atop which Texas sat. Then, the God of Vengeance smote me with a plague of insanity, as I was forced to watch the refs give SC the ball practically in the end zone with even more time than they started out with on the last play. Never have I felt more physically ill watching a ball game. Just wait until New Years, you Men of Troy. We're comin' for ya...
  
  Edit: I CANNOT stop thinking about this game. Weis's gameplay was perfect: milk the clock through ball possession. Run, run, run some more. Keep the ball out of the USC offense's hands as much as possible. I had the most nervous sweat of my life when, during Notre Dame's last offensive drive, they screamed down the field in under two minutes, leaving SC with their own 2 minutes. WHYYYY?? WHY did you abandon gameplan?!? You were so close. Four minutes was plenty long to grind it out. The game was yours to finish, Weis! I think I may vomit.
  


• How many times have I told you, NEVER EVER, EVER LIVE ON RIVERSIDE? It's fucking ghetto. This is common knowledge.
  


• You know how each advertising spot has its target audience? Example: during the daytime, the only commercials you see on TV are for "earn your associates degree" programs, easy weight loss plans, and stay-dry maxi pads. During a football game, it's beer or Under Armor. Okay, cool. So this morning I was listening to Mike and Mike on ESPN radio, when they broke to the STRANGEST commercial ever. It was a recruiting slot for the DEA. What the fuck? Even weirder, they were asking for business or finance majors.
  
  Okay, if you're a business or finance major and your current job is good enough to warrent leaving for work at 5 in the morning, I find it HIGHLY unlikely that you will be lured away by a shitty government agency just because you heard a cheezy commercial for it. I'm not really sure what the recruiting department was thinking, but I don't really think commuting business professionals are their target audience. Plus, the commercial was just freaky. They guy sounded like a DJ at a strip joint, and he kept saying how exciting it would be to be on the winning side of the war on drugs. Yeah, because it's reaaaally exciting being a narc.
  
  Also, fuck the DEA.
  


• Finally, next year my first order of business as commissioner of the fantasy league will be to disallow the usage of Tomlinson and Alexander. The whole game is disgustingly unfair with those two in the mix. Is it any wonder that in our league of 14, the top two teams start these guys? It's definitely not coincidence. Meanwhile, I'm stuck with an injured Deuce McAllister and a worthless Dominick Davis. I love you too, Jesus.