Monday, October 17, 2005

You are the ones who are the ball-lickers

  • For a few fleeting seconds, I had a vision of an official poll, atop which Texas sat. Then, the God of Vengeance smote me with a plague of insanity, as I was forced to watch the refs give SC the ball practically in the end zone with even more time than they started out with on the last play. Never have I felt more physically ill watching a ball game. Just wait until New Years, you Men of Troy. We're comin' for ya...

    Edit: I CANNOT stop thinking about this game. Weis's gameplay was perfect: milk the clock through ball possession. Run, run, run some more. Keep the ball out of the USC offense's hands as much as possible. I had the most nervous sweat of my life when, during Notre Dame's last offensive drive, they screamed down the field in under two minutes, leaving SC with their own 2 minutes. WHYYYY?? WHY did you abandon gameplan?!? You were so close. Four minutes was plenty long to grind it out. The game was yours to finish, Weis! I think I may vomit.

  • How many times have I told you, NEVER EVER, EVER LIVE ON RIVERSIDE? It's fucking ghetto. This is common knowledge.

  • You know how each advertising spot has its target audience? Example: during the daytime, the only commercials you see on TV are for "earn your associates degree" programs, easy weight loss plans, and stay-dry maxi pads. During a football game, it's beer or Under Armor. Okay, cool. So this morning I was listening to Mike and Mike on ESPN radio, when they broke to the STRANGEST commercial ever. It was a recruiting slot for the DEA. What the fuck? Even weirder, they were asking for business or finance majors.

    Okay, if you're a business or finance major and your current job is good enough to warrent leaving for work at 5 in the morning, I find it HIGHLY unlikely that you will be lured away by a shitty government agency just because you heard a cheezy commercial for it. I'm not really sure what the recruiting department was thinking, but I don't really think commuting business professionals are their target audience. Plus, the commercial was just freaky. They guy sounded like a DJ at a strip joint, and he kept saying how exciting it would be to be on the winning side of the war on drugs. Yeah, because it's reaaaally exciting being a narc.

    Also, fuck the DEA.

  • Finally, next year my first order of business as commissioner of the fantasy league will be to disallow the usage of Tomlinson and Alexander. The whole game is disgustingly unfair with those two in the mix. Is it any wonder that in our league of 14, the top two teams start these guys? It's definitely not coincidence. Meanwhile, I'm stuck with an injured Deuce McAllister and a worthless Dominick Davis. I love you too, Jesus.

12 Comments:

At 8:42 AM, October 17, 2005, Anonymous frankiefirefox said...

Did you see the stat yesterday. Only 3 rbs have thrown, caught, and rushed for a td. One was yesterday, another was Walter fucking Payton. Tomlinson plays like he's fucking Bo Jackson in Super Techmo Bowl!

 
At 9:34 AM, October 17, 2005, Anonymous Cody said...

About Riverside: its that cheap for a reason. I say we're only a few years away from a riot there... or maybe just a National Championship. It is the real Austin Ghetto

 
At 11:23 AM, October 17, 2005, Anonymous frankiefirefox said...

Speaking of national championships, BCS standings come out tonight. Any predictions on our ranking? Is there any truth to "expert" predictions for a fat #3 for UT? Regardless, we are the only unbeaten team with a cakewalk through the rest of the season. Fuck USC.

 
At 12:22 PM, October 17, 2005, Blogger Vince said...

I didn't see the Tomlinson stat yesterday, I was too busy jerking off to the Cowboys and the Astros.

We're too big to not be #2, and to not get picked for the championship game if we run the table. Besides, VTech is more overrated than the Da Vinci Code.

 
At 3:30 PM, October 17, 2005, Blogger T. Leach said...

The Da Vinvi Code is tremendously overated--more like Alabama--and Domanick Davis.

 
At 6:47 PM, October 17, 2005, Blogger Tito said...

step off of alexander bitches...don't be a hater

 
At 7:19 PM, October 17, 2005, Blogger mrshife said...

So I guess Vince I will know in a few short hours if my baseball season is over. I frickin leave the country for 3 days and they are down to 3-1. It is not looking good.

 
At 5:35 AM, October 18, 2005, Anonymous troy said...

We should all trade around and arrange it so that whoever Linus faces when San Diego has a bye will dominate his ass. Frankly I know I'm probably out of the playoffs and wouldnt mind donating to the effort.

 
At 7:17 AM, October 18, 2005, Anonymous frankiefirefox said...

#2 Texas!! Now we run the table.

 
At 7:18 AM, October 19, 2005, Blogger coloradohurricane said...

Va Tech overated ?

I think we (Miami) are going to beat them up in Blacksburg.

By then USC, Georgia and Bama all lose.

Would love playing Texas in the National Championship.

Remember the Cotton Bowl ?

44-3 ;)

 
At 9:22 AM, October 19, 2005, Blogger Vince said...

I'm counting on Miami beating them, to shut up this insane talk of them somehow leapfrogging us due to strength of schedule or some other such baloney. Va Tech - USC would be an AWFUL game for the national championship, for all involved.

 
At 8:36 PM, October 19, 2005, Anonymous bass said...

Number 2 vs 7 the computer polls are going to love it. Numerically its better than the USC ND game. Hahahaha All hail the fuckacation of vtech

 

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