Prudence is a cardinal virtue; the Chronicle never got the memo
What the hell was the Chronicle THINKING when it published the names of all HISD teachers who received a bonus this year, as well as the amount each person received?!?
Among teachers there is obvious dissatisfaction with the performance measures (read: TAKS-related metrics) used to distribute the monies, and the newspaper had to be aware that it would incite resentment at minimum and riot at worst by making public the names of those who worked hard enough(!) to meet the school disctrict's "standards."
A cynical man would suspect that there is much more to this disclosure of information than a simple exercise in the Freedom of Information Act.
BUT, all that said, this talk of a teacher walkout next week makes me want to kill myself. People are awesome.
Read a lot more here and here, and see the list here.
These are the things that make me want to kill myself
After this happened, I proceeded to vomit and defecate over every last square inch of my house, wallowed around in it, poured a handle of Everclear over my head, and lit a match.
Last week I watched a movie that was so bad, I still haven't gotten over it. Actually, that's a lie. I couldn't even watch the entire thing; I only made it through about 20 minutes or so before I had to shut the fucker off. It was without a doubt, the most atrocious thing I've ever laid eyes on. I speak of Feast. This was the first movie I have rented from Netflix that actually compelled me to leave a review for it. It is that fucking terrible.
As most of you probably know, I get an instant hard-on for horror-comedy. I fucking love it, in all its self-conscious, self-reflexive, witty glory. I think I've probably jerked off to Tremors, Evil Dead 2, The Blob, and Critters at least 30 times each in my lifetime. And the genre is far from dead - have you seen Slither yet? It's textbook. However, though Netflix and many of its civilian reviewers billed Feast as comedy horror in the strain of Shaun of the Dead, etc., it most certainly is not.
What it is is pure, unadulterated ass-piss. The 20 minutes I saw was an endless series of cliches, all stitched together with miserably, miserably failed humor, totally devoid of any original content. Not only that, but I watched it when I was stoned, so I was hyper-perceptive of the high school one-act play level acting and the abyssmal production value.
That's right, it's not even entertaining when you're high.
I don't know why it angers me so much that this movie even exists, but it really makes me want to pull the heads off kittens. This is a week later, for fuck's sake, and I still find myself flashing back to the god-awful mess I witnessed after an innocent night of imbibing. I imagine this is the closest I will ever be in my life to being raped. I feel violated, and I'm afraid I may be scarred for life.
I want to get every last soul involved with the making of this abomination and force them to Clockwork Orange it in an old, abandoned theater for the rest of their lives. I want them to suffer the hell that they have created and unleashed upon the earth and mankind for the rest of their waking days.
Cock. Balls.
Read a more detailed (and more level-headed) approach to the suckitude here.
I was flickin' through the channels last night when something on Hannity & Colmes caught my eye. (An aside: The very thought of Hannity & Colmes makes me sick. Even just now, a little bit of puke came up. I swallowed it back down, though.) What made me stop and pay attention was this:
It's Green Card energy drink! It's marketed to Mexicans who are about to cross the border! Look closely at the tagline, and the logo. That's funny. Really.
The designer and marketer, Jeff Weiss, was on the show to promote it. H&C took the all too predictible line of affront and indignation, and pretty much spent 7 straight minutes railing the guy for everything from aiding and abetting, to exploitation, to supporting terror. But good ol' Jeffy took it all on the chin. And why whouldn't he? His product was getting free exposure - mission accomplished!
That this drink will be marketed to illegal immigrants is a total front. Pedro stops at 7-11 to buy a Green Card on his way to the border, much like Suzie buys a Starbucks on the way to work? Come on, the story's ludicrous. H&C are such fucking meatheads.
The truth is that the kiddies are a major constituent of energy drink consumers as a whole, and so contribute substantially to what is a multi-billion dollar a year industry. Drink companies have responded to this nugget of marketing research gold, and are now scrambling to generate teen-attractive product.
The problem is getting noticed in the wake of an explosion of new brand names; 500+ have been launched in 2006 alone. The effect has been a game of literally nominal oneupsmanship. Hence the existence such clever nomenclature as Cocaine, Crunk, Pimp Juice, Retard Strength(!), and now, Green Card. (Make sure you read the title of Retard Strength website. Great throwback!)
Of course, since the only way I'll drink an energy drink is if you drop a shot of booze into it first, all this means nothing to me, other than that I get to laugh at funny brand names and have something to post about for the day.
Day 2: In which the brutality of man is made manifest
Wes Craven made his directorial debut with The Last House on the Left. Though it didn't have the overall impact of his future Nightmare or Scream franchises, it has managed to stand the test of time as an early example of the "torture" subgenre of horror.
Story: Two teenage girls from subarban New York go to the city for a night to attend a concert. Trying to score some dank before the show, they have a run in with a pair of escaped convicts, who turn out to be psychopathic. The girls are submitted to rape, torture, terrorization - the usual fare - and are eventually killed. Coincidentally, the next stop the killers make is at one of the girls' houses, where they are found out by the parents, and murdered in revenge.
I have mixed feelings about this one. For one thing, I've never really been a huge fan of the "torture" subgenre in the first place; I just don't find the deranged, sadistic psychopath thing to be that interesting. (Recent films that fall into this category: Saw, Hostel.) Also, Cravens frequently and abruptly cuts scenes from brutal torture of the girls to the parents really hamming it up and having a good time. I understand the juxtaposition, but I don't think it works particularly well - maybe it's just that it's too obvious to be satisfying as a literary device.
I will say that TLHOTL definitely pushes the envelope for 1972. Nudity of what are supposed to be seventeen year old girls, their forced mutual rape, forcing one girl to piss herself, and an unforgettable blow job scene are just a few of the highlights, if you want to call them that. However, these things turn out to be problematic to the film as a whole, as they detract heavily from any impending sense of doom. When the girls are finally offed, it's basically putting them out of their misery. We don't feel any worse for them, or hate the antagonists any more by that point. Because everything has been one episode of shock after another, death seems like the least interesting thing that could possibly happen.
The unexpected does occur at the end, when the parents are afforded their revenge. Maybe that makes this a cautionary tale on two different levels, I don't really know. On second thought, fuck that. The more I think think about it, the more superficial this film gets. Absolutely no moral can be sifted out from this mess. Yeah, violence is ugly, but it's also almost never a "FOR THE FUN OF IT" act. This is exploitative, but not in a good way, like Cannibal Holocaust et al. This is emotionally exploitative.
Yesterday, the Houston City Council voted 13-2 to extend its indoor smoking ban to virtually all bars.
Fuck that shit.
Fuuuuuuuuuuck thaaaaaaaaaaat shiiiiiiit.
You don't want to smell like an ashtray when you get home at 2:30 in the damn morning? Grow a pair, you fucking pussy. Unless you're sleeping in your fucking clothes, what the fuck does it matter? Besides, that girl you wanna take home and fuck is drunk enough that she doesn't give a rat's fucking ass what the shit you smell like. Fuckface.
Oh, what's that? You're tired of breathing in the toxic fumes of my secondhand smoke? Newsflash, asshole: you live in fucking Houston. Toxic fumes are a part of your existence. Unless you are NOT breathing between the hours of 3 and 7 every evening, I can pretty much guarantee that your pansy ass little lungs are taking way more of a beating from car exhaust and refinery emmissions than from my fucking 15 cigarettes I smoke around you once a week. Shitscum.
Hey, you, slutbag waitress. Yeah, you. Listen to me. You work in a fucking bar. You were well aware of what that would entail when you signed on for the job. Stop pretending that the whole world revolves around your pathetic fucking miserable life and trying to mold it that way. Bar culture is well established and proud, and was getting along just fine until you decided that your fucking health concerns were relevant. Guess what? They're not. Workers' rights my fucking ass. If you don't like secondhand smoke and still wanna work at night, I think Taco C is hiring. Whore.
Fucking dammit cockshit motherassfucker.
Alright, I'm over it.
The other thing is this. Last Friday, Two Gallants played at Walter's on Washington. The place is in a residential area, and there was a noise complaint, so a beat cop showed up to get them to turn down. The details are still in dispute, depending on whose story you hear (obviously), but I think its probably a fair bet that the officer didn't exactly handle the situation diplomatically. A melee ensued, which included multiple taser discharges, and four arrests. Full story.
NOW, all that said, let's review Chris Rock's "How Not to Get Your Ass Kicked by the Police":
Step 1: Obey The Law Step 2: Use Common Sense Step 3: Stop Immediately Step 4: Turn That Shit Off Step 5: Be Polite Step 6: Shut The Fuck Up
So simple, yet so effective.
Roll tape.
Hmmm, seems like there was a massive failure to follow ANY of the steps here.
Listen, kids. When dealing with an officer of the law, you are wrong. Period. C'est la Vie. Don't try to argue with him, and for God's sake don't get in his fucking grill. Just say "yes sir" and "no sir" until he leaves you alone, or realizes that you are lying and arrests you. The sooner you internalize this, the happier and less-angst ridden you will be.
Don't be fooled by the pseudo-intellectuals who think that...
As long as anyone is placed in a position of power over others, abuses like this will continue to be the norm. The problem isn't "one bad cop," or even the police system in general - this is a result of hierarchy itself. Such violence is inherent to any hierarchical system, whether it's the police, racism, government, an abusive husband, or the bosses at our workplaces. As long as such positions of authority continue to exist, they will continue to be exploited, and real democracy and equality will remain no more than a mythology that these authorities assure us is true.
Yes, unfortunately, there really are assclowns who still believe this dribble. And yes, this person was actually willing to put his intellectual retardation on public display by posting it to a Chron.com blog. Other than pubescent sentiment, I've never been able to pinpoint what exactly causes this sort of irrational phobia of authority, but you would think that people would have to outgrow it at some point if they want to function in civil society.
Newsflash to people like this: your revolution is over; the bums will always lose.
Step 1: Obey The Law Step 2: Use Common Sense Step 3: Stop Immediately Step 4: Turn That Shit Off Step 5: Be Polite Step 6: Shut The Fuck Up
I've got far too many criticisms than I can synthesize into a cogent whole, so I'll just try and stream them.
Superman is not Batman. Everything about this film was way too dark.
Posey < Perrine Spacey << Hackman Bosworth <<< Kidder - whoever cast this movie should be shot.
Superman is an angst ridden loser. All he cares about is getting Lois back, and acts annoyed more than anything when he has to save someone else. Fuck that shit.
Truth, justice, and the American way? Non-existent. Instead we get truth, and justice. Not even fucking kidding.
Joy? Non-existent. Instead we get fornication, female battering, and bastard children. Welcome to the 21st century, Supes!
The citizens of Metropolis seem to suffer from some sort of mass anti-pathos. In every scene involving a crowd watching Supes save the day, they somehow managed to look like they cared even less than I did - no small feat.
Metropolis looks like a dingy shithole. Has anyone on the production crew ever even read the comics?
Can we please move on from the Lex Luthor does real estate bit? Hackman could totally pull it off, tongue in cheek, in Superman: The Movie. Spacey trying it here, in earnest? Not so much.
Yes, the world is ready to see Doomsday now.
The script was shit. The ending was ass. They've really painted themselves into a corner for any type of sequel.
Were it not for the countless Donner throwback references (many of them verbatim, shot for shot scene recreations), I would've hated this movie.
As it is, I only really dislike it. It was a Superman movie completely devoid of the Superman spirit.
