AIDS

So you know why I have been slacking in contributions lately, please review my daily routine for the past couple work weeks:

rise and shine and head to work
get swamped
attempt to throw myself out my 21st floor window
drive home
start drinking
hang out with the buddy
watch the astros
drink more
pass out

So basically, my thoughts haven't strayed an inch from baseball and work, and I don't really want to bore you with either.

I will fill your void on Monday, maybe.

Now, back to Austin to tear down the house.

September baseball, baby

I don't know which one I'm enjoying more: watching Garner play about 17 position players and 10 pitchers each night en route to amazing Astros' victories, or seeing the Cards COMPLETELY shit the bed.

It's like watching a car crash while getting a blow job.

Go Padres.

Thank you, internet

For today's post I wanted to do something about Parcells and Charlie Weis being long, lost Stay-Puft Marshmallow twins. I did a Google image search for "Bill Parcells" and found something that was definitely way better than a standard big boobies man pic. It was the Parcells Family Portrait!

Witness:

But they were not alone. The Nowitzkys were there as well.

Along with Dirk's old wing-man, Steve, and kids.

The Van Gundys?

Or my favorite, the Hamiltons!

The guy who made these has an assload of them posted on this thread.

Unlike my fantasy football team, this pleases me greatly.

AHHHHHHHH!!!!

C-Bass is interviewed on BON, a blog that is infinitely cooler and infinitely more read than ours!@#

My life somehow feels completely validated.

----------------

Phil's going to give the Rocket one more short-rest start this Sunday, in what will likely be his last game at Minute Maid. His (bad-fucking-ass) start Wednesday was widely speculated to be his grand finale, but apparently he tugged hard enough on Uncle Drayton's heartstrings and talked him into letting him have one more. I hope the hitting pulls through for him and gets him that last W...

I know I'm full of hyperbole, but I don't think it's any exaggeration to say that Clemens is one of the top 10 - shit, arguably top 5 or top 3 - pitchers of all time. Needless to say, his contribution to the Astros and their fans has been tremendous, even in only a few short years. It's unfortunate that the Astros don't have the payroll capability to keep him on just oooooone more season and beef up the bats at the same time, but alack.

I'm looking into tickets for the game, I'll leep you posted. I got tickets. It's going to be electric.

P.S. I'm not going to make it in town for the Iowa State game tomorrow, so if anyone wants the (student) ticket, you'll need to call me before about 11 so I can have my liaison contact you before she skips Austin. Sorry for the short notice.

How to Destroy the World!

This is awesome.

Imagine, all you need is a coffee can and some spank material.

Hooray, science!

No fucking way

This was posted on a facebook group called "RED-OUT for TECH VS UT GAME!"

Yes, they made a bulletin board of it.

Sweet Jesus.

Royal Rumble

Who would win in a four-way cage match between:

a) Ah-nold as Conan



b) Dolph Lundgren as He-Man



c) Marc Singer as Dar, The Beastmaster



or d) Ken Marshall as Prince Colwyn, from Krull



And Dar can bring his marmots with him into the ring.

It's a small moon after all

We must've been pretty bored to even begin talking about it, but Saturday night Marshall, Cody, and I agreed to disagree about whether or not the moon is actually larger when it is setting on the horizon. Cody and Marshall cited some sort of magnification effect produced by the atmosphere, while I maintained that the moon only appeared larger based on its relative closeness to objects on the ground.

The magnification effect is a misconception. As I conceded, the atmosphere does change the color of the moon, but it in no way enlargens it. In fact, the refraction that does occur due to atmospheric interference tends to make both the sun and moon appear smaller, and even squished, at the horizon. Also, we have to remember that the the moon is more than 4000 miles further away from us when we see it at the horizon than when we see it at zenith.

My armchair theory, that the perceived size of an object is affected by the context of its immediate visual enverionment, is actually Alhazen's. When we see the moon rising againt familiar objects such as trees, buildings, etc., we perceive it as being substantially larger than when we see it in the bare expanse of the night (or daytime) sky.

I think it's a pretty plausible explanation, but it is only one among many. This guy has has put together a pretty impressive compendium of several of the competing hypotheses. Some of them are fucking intense. Because the illusion has to be an artifact of the evolution of our Pleistocene ancestors' cognition, I would probably bet that the final answer, if one is ever discovered, is a composite of different theories.

And I would say that's a pretty big IF. The mind is so damn complicated, I'm still not convinced that in this era of technology we've even made very many truly monumental discoveries about it. (Giz will probably kill me for saying that.)

A few years back I went on a Pinker reading binge, and I remember thinking that - wow, this is fascinating, and his stuff has to be on the right track, but shit. We've still gotta be centuries away from even approaching a real understanding of the mind's inner workings.

Then again, I studied math and alcoholism, so what the fuck do I know.

Vintage Video

Starring The Buddy.



I can't believe this is already a year old.

Excitement

I got nothin'.

My every last thought is being consumed by our game, and how I can't wait until tomorrow when I pull into Austin.

And Head On.

We Can't Lose

I don't remember seeing this on saturday, but we officially can't lose....ever again.

Thankfully, Lucas provides us with plenty of lube while he sticks it to us

So this doesn't change the fact that I will be very disappointed next Tuesday when I pay $75 bucks for fucking non-anamorphic, laserdisc quality transfers of the unaltered Original Trilogy, but it does work a bit towards appeasing me.

Check out previews of the Bonus DVD menus for Star Wars, Empire, and ROTJ. They are using high def stills of original poster art, cutting it up, and animating it!

Space crawl logo! Chantrell artwork!

Slant logo! (<--- my favorite) Jung artwork!

Classic REVENGE of the Jedi poster art by Struzan! w00t.

And of course, the options and chapter menus are each retro-fitted with classic poster art as well. It looks like New Wave Studio, the company in charge of designing the menus, really put forth a worthy effort at pleasing the fans; I can't wait to see them.

I just had a great idea.

I'm sure you've all heard my version of "Lucas raped my childhood". Every fanboy's got one. Well, someone needs to take multiple versions of the story, from some of the geekiest and most famous of fanboys, and compile them in film format, a la The Aristocrats.

I would so watch that.

Daddy, this music makes me tingle in my special places

As AIDS-infestedly homosexual that the NFL has become in the last decade or so, it's still got one thing going for it: theme music. Sure, never again will we rock out with our cocks out to the sounds of Bocephus, but maybe now we'll be able to more fully appreciate the glory that lies within the sounds of the instrumental themes.

Time to run through them.

First, there's the obvious NFL Films, the music and production value of which give every red-blooded American man instant wood. Steve Sabol should run for president, with Sam Spence on the ticket for VP.



Then there are the Big Three NFL networks - FOX, CBS, and now NBC. FOX probably has the best one. Doo-de-doo doo-de-doooohn... When you hear those horns give the call to battle, you know that it's time to play. It sounds like the theme music of conquerors (which it is, of course, since FOX covers the NFC), which may be contradicted with the bleak sounding, yet still epic and sweeping, CBS (AFC) theme, Posthumus Zone.

And as we all know by now, this year we will add a new tune to the mix. NBC hired no less a mastermind than John Williams to compose its NFL theme, and I think he definitely delivered a dandy. It's sort of a "Meesah wanna fighta dem Battle Droids" Williams, crossed with a Spence NFL Films anthem, which I think fucking rocks. I just played it before I went and asked my boss for a raise, to pump myself up.

Listen at Deadspin.

And one more time, for old time's sake... "Bum bum bum buuuuuuuuum!"



Hooray, football.

Of course, as we all know, John Tesh's "Roundball Magic" is pretty much the pinnacle of Network sports theme music.



Asians are funny.

We're there

As Cole just reminded me, it is now T minus 18 hours until we all collectively orgasm in our pants.

A few weeks back, Limas won the Heisman in my NCAA 2007 Dynasty. A sign of things to come?

I just released some pre-cum.