Hotness

Star Wars quietly turned 30 last week (at least it seemed quiet by media coverage standards). All week long, the fanboy internet experienced a collective circle jerk (I was stuck between a fat, balding thirty-five year old who lives with his mother, and Kevin Smith), the climax of which was Olivia Munn donning slave-girl Leia garb for a very special episode of Attack of the Show.

Good grief, she is fit. Her Wonder Woman always did a little something for me, but holy bejeezus. Nerdgasm, indeed.

Full gallery.

The Monster Pig

Holy fuck. Holy fuck. Holy fuck.

Remember that giant catfish from a few years back that they caught somewhere in Southeast Asia? Well, this is wayyyyy cooler.

IT'S A MONSTER PIG!

Fuckin' A!

Official site.
AP article.

The infamous wheelchair scene

Classic.

Also, if you've got a solid stomach, try watching this. Rosie vs. Elisabeth, Part 87.

Elisabeth Hasselbeck is hot. I mean fucking HOTT. And she wins. And Rosie is a cunt. So is the red haired lady.

Quoi?!?

New He-Man Movie?!

I am nearly speechless. Dolph would be rolling over in his grave if he were dead.

The critics are schizophrenic

I was drunk two nights ago when I consumed Del Toro's Pan's Labyrinth, and I am definitely tanked now as I finish Aronofsky's The Fountain. Let me say up front that I LOVED both of them. The critics, on the other hand, don't agree with me. Both The Metacritic and Rotten Tomatoes show a striking disparity in their favor of the two films, with an overwhelming majority on both sites being in favor of Pan's Labyrinth.

I can honestly say I don't follow the logic; after all, both are the same film under different guises. Both rely heavily upon the premise that physical life and its inseparable sufferings are only the gateway to an eternal destination (which is very potentially blissful). Perhaps it is Pan's emphasis on present suffering, as opposed to The Fountain's emphasis on both the timeless and eternal, that nabbed the critics' love. I honestly can't claim to comprehend.

Suffice it to say that both films are the cream of the crop for 2006 (and as my Netflix friends who have suffered through all my two-cent reviews well know, I've tried to consume a substantial chunk of the year's critically well-fared). For surely, there were more entertaining films, but none were able to both challenge the viewer on life and post-life issues and transcend fleeting, contemporary politics as these two did.

As icing on the cake, both are also among the most stylistically superb of the year. You owe it to yourself to track them both down, and, if not purchase them, view them at least once. They are both excellent examples that film is not quite an irrelevant medium.

Good grief, I'm hammered.

Next stop, Apocalyptico.

Oooooh, general surgery

I've been tracking this ongoing series of posts on Surgeonsblog to see if it would be worth sharing with you, my beautiful laypeople, and it's proven itself. So far he has written five posts starting from scrubbing in on a sigmoid colectomy. Basically, the procedure involves opening you up, digging out your sigmoid colon (right before the rectum and right after the descending colon on your left side), cutting the problematic portion of it out, and connecting the new ends, creating a 'C' where once was an 'S'.

For me, obviously, it's especially fascinating in that I might one day be doing this to some poor (deserving? Blame the victim!) deviant who has perforated his colon during an exuberant bout of anal spelunking. That sense of wonder lacking, it's still pretty fucking cool to take in such a candid first-hand account from the guy digging around in your guts.


Preamble
Cutting In
Parting the Curtain
Packing for the Trip
Getting to the Nitty Gritty

The Real Men of Genius do Houston

Sweet.

Pete Stacker is a voiceover god. You know him from everywhere. The guy with all the soul and the killer earring is Bickler. Look unfamiliar? Maybe you'll recognize him here...



So not gay.

The gay cowboy from 10 Things I Hate About You

I've jerked off to Batman Begins so many times now, I'm pretty sure my dick is going to fall off by the time The Dark Knight comes out NEXT summer...

C.H.U.D.

Babies are good, mkay

I don't remember exactly what spurred it, but I think it was on the last, now long-defunct, blog I had that I posted that currently about 90% of children with Down Syndrome aborted once their (loving) parents learn of their child's condition (thank you prenatal screening). How ironic that such a barbaric trend is only sustainable in this current age of advanced technology. On the heels of a recent recommendation from the American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists that all mothers should be "screening" for Down Syndrome, not just those over 35, as had been the norm, that 90% looks to be going nowhere but up.

The NYT has a remarkably honest, in-focus piece about parents of Down Syndrome children, and their reactions to both the current abortion statistics and ACOG's recommendations. The article presents the parents as being on a united front against aborting children on the sole basis that they have Down Syndrome. The reasons covered run the gamut from pragmatic (fewer DS children in the future translates to fewer oportunities and more isolation in the future for their own children) to ethical (after all, isn't this eugenics?).

The parents have set out to educate prospective parents as well as doctors. The parents that DS doesn't prevent people from living full, rewarding lives. The doctors that beginning a diagnosis for DS with "I'm sorry" or "Unfortunately, I've got some bad news" is ill-advised, at best.

Anyway, read the article.

This one is also worth your time.

Whatever your views on abortion, there is no denying that 90% is fucking disgusting.

While we're on topic, let me just throw this out here. I try not to even discuss abortion with anyone who denies the human personhood of a fetus. If we can't even agree with what constitutes personhood, any argument about abortion is absolutely futile. As was evidenced last Thursday, however, sometime alcohol induces me to break that rule, resulting in drunken stalemate (yuck).

I maintain, however, that the argument for personhood is supremely philosophic, and thus supremely rational, and thus supremely impenetrable. Peter Kreeft, who, as a Thomist, Chestertonian, and Lewisian, is one of my favorite philosophers, gives the argument here as to why human persohnood begins at conception. The guy is one of my heroes. You can't argue with it, so don't even try.

Seriously.

Yes Yes Yes pt. 2

This is just as good as the last one.

This is God's country, boys

We got to boo Bonds at the 'stros game last night. Roy O was brilliant, as usual, striking out 6 or 7 in seven innings, but he was long gone when the game was decided in extra innings. A couple funky, freak hits by the Giants gave them the 2-1 victory in the 12th. Tough way to lose a ball game, for sure, but Minute Maid's always a helluva place to watch one - especially on a night like last night, when the weather was absolutely gorgeous.

Hooray, baseball.

When it rains, it pours.

That's the story of my work life. I haven't even had time to read any blogs for the last three days, much less write one.

You've probably been anxiously awaiting an update on Moustache Watch 2007. Rest assured, the Watch continues, but I've decided to give only weekly updates now; the daily measure of my progress was far too unfulfilling.

So according to Brian, Casa de Siy is a giant magnet for the poontang, albeit poontang of the "let's just be friends" variety. Well, just because they've warned him to keep out of the no-fly zone doesn't mean that Richard won't have the green light. Richard, if we are to believe the tales your brother spins, your new house could potentially be the greatest thing that ever happened to you. Well, besides the first time you tried anal. On me.

Everyone should also be expecting tales of greatness from Giz, who is apparently way the fuck cooler than all of us. That's been a well know fact for a while, I know, but only recently, as he has continued to divulge the full extent of his exploits to me, have I fully embraced it as a truism (I always wanted to be the coolest, meh). Giz, get on that mega-post! We need to hear about your world travels.

Yes Yes Yes

I can't stop watching this....

Moustache Watch 2007: Day 8

Sleezetastic.

Sweet Fancy Moses ACL 2007

Bob Dylan & His Band
Björk
The White Stripes
The Killers
Wilco
Arcade Fire
Muse
My Morning Jacket
Queens Of The Stone Age
Bloc Party
Arctic Monkeys
Gotan Project
Joss Stone
Damien Rice
Robert Earl Keen
Lucinday Williams
Spoon
Blue October
Indigo Girls
The Decemberists
Paolo Nutini
Regina Spektor
Amy Winehouse
Crowded House
Steve Earle
Ziggy Marley
Stephen Marley
Kaiser Chiefs
LCD Soundsystem
DeVotchKa
Augustana
Amos Lee
M.I.A.
Ben Kweller
Clap Your Hands Say Yeah
Andrew Bird
Bela Fleck & The Flecktons
Ghostland Observatory
Cross Canadian Ragweed
Revered Horton Heat
St59 (Sound Tribe Sector Nine)
Yo La Tengo
Joseph Arthur & The Lonely Astronauts
Rodrigo Y Gabriela
Zap Mama
Blonde Redhead
Eli Young Band
Aterciopelados
Heartless Bastards
Raul Malo
James Hunter
Mighty Clouds Of Joy
Del McCoury Band
Preservation Hall Jazz Band
Andy Palacio & The Garifuna Collective
Asleep At The Wheel
Ryan Shaw
Will Hoge
The National
Beau Soleil
Midlake
Grace Potter And The Nocturnals
Railroad Earth
Dax Riggs
Sound Team
The Legendary Soul Stirrers
Charlie Musselwhite
JJ Grey & Mofro
Young Love
The Dynamites Featuring Charles Walker
Ian Ball
The Little Ones
Manchester Orchestra
Patterson Hood
Billy Joe Shaver
Fionn Regan
Big Sam's Funky Nation
John Ralston
The Broken West
Rose Hill Drive
Grandon Rhyder
Ocote Soul Sounds
Sara Hickman
Willy Mason
Jon Dee Graham
The Paul Green School Of Rock All-Stars
Kevin Devine
Nicole Atkins & The Sea
The Ike Reilly Assassination
Greyhounds
Guy Forsyth
Adam Hood
Cary Ann Hearst & The Gun Street Girls
The Jones Family Singers
The Gospel Silvertones
The Shields Of Faith
Sylvia St. James
Jeffrey Steele
Amy Cook
Trent Summar & The New Row Mob
Back Door Slam
Mario Matteoli
Kara Grainger
One Mississippi
Kevin McKinney
Jennifery Nicely
Sahara Smith
The New Soul Invaders
The Wonderful Harmonizers
Loretta Williams Gurnell
Amy Loftus
Amy Lavere
The Steps
We Go To 11
The Sippy Cups
Daddy A Go Go
Farmer Jason
O Brothers Jambo Kidz
The Bummkinn Band
The Jellydots

It's Roy Scheider Day!

Today, May 14, has been officially designated Roy Scheider Day. Definitely an occasion for a "hurrah" from every red-blooded American man.

Though the iconic Scheider role is that of Brody, one can't help but fondly recall his outstanding performance in All That Jazz. And when you think All That Jazz, you have to think Ben Vereen.



And, completing the stream of consciousness, when you think Ben Vereen, you have to think of him as Itsy in Mother Goose Rock and Rhyme:



In case you're curious, the occasion for today's Scheider-glory is his guest appearance on tonight's Law & Order: Criminal Intent. So set your DVR's and get those beers a-crackin'!!! I've got such a hard-on for this.

Via Wolcott via CHUD.

Moustache Watch 2007: Day 7

One week down, five to go. I'm afraid this is as thick as it's going to get.

Moustache Watch 2007: Day 6

Not so sober stache.

Moustache Watch 2007: Day 5

Like a Mexican bus boy...

The clouds have parted.

I guess someone with some kind of say-so used the justification that myspace and facebook are good for "professional networking," because they are now once again unblocked by the corporate firewall. I feel a decline in my productivity already. That's really nothing to laugh at, either; when your base productivity is already as low as mine is, getting it to dip down even lower is really exploring the limits of inexertion.

Yacht cruise tomorrow, w00t w00t!

Moustache Watch 2007: Day 4

Getting strong now; won't be long now.

My eyes are bleeding.

What the hell happened to my sitemeter? Color scheme from hell.

Moustache Watch 2007: Day 3

I fucking hate the Jazz and all their white, white fans.

That's ugly.

Waldo sent me this column for consumption, written by Spengler. No, not that Spengler.

The gist:

In the case of Pollock, people neither like his work nor the way it looks; what they like is the idea that the artist in his arrogance can redefine the world on his own terms.

Well worth the full read.

I don't dislike all modern art, and I even find some it interesting. I do, however, dislike the existentialist and nihilistic philosophic foundations upon on which much modern art rests. I also dislike it when people praise art for the sole reason that it is avant garde and/or untraditional. The greatest tyrannical act of the modern era has been the oppression and suppresion of the historical.

Lastly, I dislike it when people are afraid to call things ugly, or deny that some works, in fact, aren't classifiable as art. They are idiots.

Examples:

Not interesting. Not art.

Somewhat interesting. Decorative. Still not art.

Ugly. Brainless. Not art.

Transcendent. Sublime. Art.

Further reading:

A good thread discussing the aforementioned column, with great stuff from "Alex" there at the end.

"The Dying of Western Culture," by Navrazov

Moustache Watch 2007: Day 2

Hmmm, it looked thicker yesterday...

Holy hell, where the fuck have I been?!?

Speaking of being a youtube blogger...

Robot Chicken is the greatest thing in the world!























Why are they sooooooo good?!?

Moustache Watch 2007: Day 1

There is a good chance that this six week long feature could effectively terminate all our regular readership, but fuck it. You're gonna see the daily progress, and you're gonna like it.

Almost fully recovered.

Relative success on the Cinco de Mayo party front. I'm pretty sure I couldn't have consumed all the beer I bought by myself, which tells me that at least a few other people were there. It's all kind of hazy. People have been telling me all morning that I look like shit. What else is new, though?

In other exciting news, a project I had been working on at work recently had its official release/kickoff. In honor of its success (I guess...?) I got an invitation to go out on a yacht cruise for dinner and drinks this Saturday. I'm going to fall off the damn boat.

Lastly, I know I say this all the time, but this time it's for real: the moustache is coming back. There will be no shaving it for at least 6 weeks. I'll make sure and keep you updated.

Whiskey Dick - A Treatise

I think I'm becoming a link blogger, which is probably the lowest denominator of blogger I could be. Alas, I have little else to say unless it involves whining about the state of healthcare, gloating over our new house, or spouting drunken gibberish like a rhesus monkey.

Anyway:

Using mathematical models of penis geometry and hydrostatic pressure, doctors can predict when penises will fail – and in which vagina – he says.

Previous studies have found that the force required enter a vagina, which depends on a vaginal diameter and lubrication, ranges from 1.5 to 2.5 kg. So, "an individual male may exhibit ED with one partner but not with another," says Udelson

Sex funny.

Conan at ILM

Forgot to share this yesterday. I had read that Lucas was the scheduled guest for Late Night this past Tuesday, so of course, I had to watch it. Conan opened up the show with this bit, inside ILM(!), which was golden.

Before you sit down to view it, make sure no one can see you, because I guarantee you will get a nerd chubby.





And the actual Lucas interview, also required viewing:

Why are people so fucking insane??

At least ESPN's doing their part in portraying these people as the loonies they really are.

I still haven't figured out how I'm going to incorporate the makings of a Mint Julep into my margaritas this Saturday... too many special drinking occasions for one day!

OTC

This morning I went and checked out the Offshore Technology Conference (OTC) at Reliant park. It was hugegantic. The degree of specialization in drilling and recovery related technology is staggering.

Of course, since I have nothing to do with offshore exploration and production, for me it was mostly just a trip out of the office. A friend of mine that had gone on Monday had mentioned to me that he spent most of his time looking at split tail. I admit, I was wary of just how much tang one could find at a conference for a male dominated industry. I'm pleased to report that my friend wasn't lying.

If you haven't been to Reliant park, like the rest of Houston, it's a sprawl. Companies had their booths set up regionally. I spent most of the time around the Brazilian and Norwegian companies, for obvious reasons. Those Brazilian chicks, good gravy - I swear they must hire these gals for the specific purpose of being "booth babes." It was totally legit though, all business related, because we've got real life drilling contracts with Petrobras. I talked to them for the good of the company, and the good of the stock price.

-------------

This makes me laugh: