And the Word became flesh and dwelt among us; and the flesh of Toonces was introduced to the worldly pleasure of Guitar Hero 2

Merry Christmas!

Before my trip home this weekend, I'd never played Guitar Hero, but apparently my brothers are known locally as demigods. Tom especially can shred like nobody's business. I, on the other hand, was content to jam out on 'Hard' to Message in a Bottle, over and over and over again. Long story short, I brought home an extra PS2 that my sister had, so as soon as I get a guitar, expect to see me never.

Today at work I am pulling a Richard; I have two 3 hour movies to watch.

Ah, the joy of the Christmas season.

P.S. Yup, that artwork's a Paint job, baby.

Mmmm... Thundercats... Cheetara... *fap fap fap fap*

New Transformers trailer, in glorious HD. Maximize that bitch.

As with other comic/cartoon/video game to live action ports, the potential for major suckitude here is endless, but who really cares? It's fucking Transformers.

A few other nostalgiac slices of my childhood that would make my weiner hard and cause it to spontaneously splooge, were they to be made into live action feature films:

The Centurions. Man and machine, Power Xtreme.



Voltron: Defender of the Universe. That's right, the universe, baby.



ProStars. Suggested casting: Arsenio Hall as Jordan, Kevin Nealon as Gretzky, Bernie Mac as Bo, and Cher as Mama.



Silverhawks. Wings of silver, nerves of fucking STEEL.



Kidd Video. I really think this one could work, if we got Giz to play the part of Whiz. You'll know who I'm talking about when you see him. Roll tape.



And Video Armageddon?



Get the star, Jimmy, the star!

Put your junk in that box!

Lord, help us

And all of a sudden I have an entire day of free time on my hands. Click the picture for the full show.

UPDATE: Their server must be getting flooded, so be patient after you click, else try again later.

Do you see what I see?

I thought the week before Christmas was supposed to be a slack-off one, but apparently I was mistaken - real work is to be had, after all!

What do I do at work, exactly? Well, it's much too complicated for you simpletons to understand if I were to try and explain it, so I'll just give you a quick peek instead:


This is what I look at, 9 hours a day. Actually, our beloved Farva's fair face is usually covered up by one of the apps there in the taskbar. Other than that, though, this is it. I've always got at least three work-related programs running, in which I do probably 95% of all my work: Landmark's Aries, and MS Access and Excel. I guess Outlook is halfway work-related, as well.

And then there's Itunes. He deserves fully one half of the dual screen action, as you can see. I've usually got my Ipod feeding it, but as backup I've got several albums ripped onto my hard drive. (Did I mention I'm in fucking love with the v.7 jukebox art layout?)

So when I'm actually working, it's copious amounts of database manipulation and forecasting of wells. Nine times out of ten though, if you were to walk into my office, I would just be looking at stuff online, wishing it was pr0n.

Just like the rest of you corporate warriors, I'm sure.

PRICELESS

Life is pain....

We continue to win!

That's right, we are all winners in this game we call Life. Err, Time.

Many more of these to come.

Since apparently SNL is only allowed to air one entertaining thing per year, and only at Christmastime

Last year was "Lazy Sunday." This year it's "A Special Christmas Box!"

Definitely bears repeat viewings.



One: Cut a hole in a box...

Hooray, Lonely Island!

Well, there go our seats

You watched them put up the Gidzillatron via webcam, now witness the demolition of the North End Zone.

Warp 5, Mr. Sulu!

A burning question

What is the correct plural form of "son of a bitch?"

I think I usually pluralize both "sons" and "bitches":

"Those fuckin' sons of bitches."

Often, you'll hear guys say "son of a bitches." That just sounds stupid. If you want to retain the singular "son," at least twang it out and go for the golden "summbitches."

"Those fuckin' son of a bitches."

"Those fuckin' summbitches."

The latter is way better, obviously.

So "summbitches" sounds the best, but the question still remains: what's the correct form?

Quite possibly the greatest thing of all time...

Go to TVGasm for the back story, or go straight to the Conan-produced goofest that is HornyManatee.com. Check both the "Tour" and "Fan Art" for the goods.

God bless the U.S.A.

Beerfest

Go get this movie. Now. Don't wait for Netflix. Go to Blockbuster, and on your way back home stop and pick up a twelve pack for yourself. One twelve pack per viewer. And consume it in its entirety before the movie is over.

I watched this alone last night, but during every peel of laughter (countless), I actually heard the laugh of Bass, or Giz, or Cody alongside my own. It was like the movie evoked the spirits of drinking past. Broken Lizard's best outing yet, by a landslide.

Did I mention I'm still drunk?

Beerfest changed my life.

Boo ya

A guy I work with miraculously stumbled across a PS3 at Best Buy last week. He was going to give it to his kid for Christmas, but later decided to get him a Wii instead (good call). He offered to split net profit on the PS3 with me 50/50 if I would sell it for him on Ebay. I switched off my conscience and agreed.

Let's all say it together: Vince is a fucking whore.

Killing me softly with video games, egregiously with booze

The order of things I love:

Jesus
Elliot
my Wii
my Xbox 360
Netflix

Of late, Tito and I have been playing Excite Truck. It's hella fun. And while it has yet to spawn anything as brilliant as Mario Kart's "The Dick of Life", we've definitely put together some championship level swearing runs whilst playing, you ass-fucking, cunt-licking, cock-smoking son of a cracked-out whore AI!

Because the amount of cursing a game induces is clearly the best barometer of just how badass it is.

Oh yeah, and in case you missed it...

201-78.

Compare this box score:

To ours:

Other items of note: the attendance comparison (31 vs 15,507), and the play-by-play of the D3 game.

Someone's gotta have this one tape, somewhere.

More listesesss - Christmas Edition

Being as it is now December and officially Advent, I no longer feel guilty about actually getting into the Christmas spirit. (The first-day-of-November crap we had this year was just a weeee bit much for me.) And there's no better way to set the mood then by watching a good ol' Christmas classic on the tube, err plasma.

Much akin to the Halloween extravaganza of a couple months ago, the Netflix queue has been re-aligned for a Holiday marathon. I'll spare you the daily reviews this go round, but you have to at least acknowledge the list. These are the ten greatest Christmas movies OF ALL TIME!

1. It's a Wonderful Life - Obligatory.
2. A Christmas Story - Our first Christmas without Darren McGavin :(
3. Christmas Vacation - The greatest of the Vacation series, by far, is also a perennial yuletide favorite.
4. Die Hard - "'Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the house, not a creature was stirring, except for the four assholes coming in the rear in standard two-by-two cover formation!" Yes, Die Hard is most DEFINITELY a Christmas movie.
5. Home A-fucking-lone - Kevin!
6. The Nightmare Before Christmas - It's the Elfman soundtrack.
7. How the Grinch Stole Christmas - Chuck Jones, Boris Karloff, and Thurl Ravenscroft? Yes, please.
8. Miracle on 34th Street - The 1994 version is pretty solid, but the original is the best. Obviously.
9. Scrooged - Bill Murray doing Bill Murray, and doing it well.
10. A Christmas Carol - While you have several meritorious versions to choose from here, my favorite is the 1984 one starring George C. Scott. Greatness.

Honorable Mention: A Muppet Christmas Carol, Ernest Saves Christmas, EVERY SINGLE Rankin & Bass Christmas special ever made, A Charlie Brown Christmas, Gremlins.

The Browsing Equivalent of Your Morning Piss

So, after the morning piss, the commute, the Windows logon screen, and the work e-mail, we all, invariably, go about reconnecting ourselves to the internet. Some people use RSS feeds, which I definitely need to tap into. Some configure Firefox to open with tabs for certain sites already up. Others with more time, such as me, just try to remember everything they want to look at and browse to the individual sites......individually. Anyways, with graduation and 6-7 months of blissful laziness ahead of me, I'm seeking to expand upon my daily browsing experience. Consider it having the time to jerk off in the shower every morning too. Marvelous. So, quid pro quo, fair readers, I give you my list of sites daily visited unabashedly in exchange for yours. Make me a better man.

1. The Triumvirate of Bland....duh
2. washingtonpost.com: I don't know why I chose the post, I guess I just wanted to differentiate myself from the CNN crowd here at work.
3. www.nationalreview.com: Seriously, the arguments are consistently more cogent than anything I have ever read at thenation.com or in Times op-eds.
4. www.pitchforkmedia.com: I'm a sucker for pretention....and music.
5. www.dictionary.com: Word of the Day w00t.
6. Lifehacker.com
7. Gizmodo.com
8. thesuperficial.com: yes, yes, celebrity gossip
9. A variety of on-line retailers and social networking sites: Further evidence that I'm an inveterate man-woman.

So....whatcha got?

I saw three ships on Christmas Day

I seriously could've been arrested for DUI on the way to work this morning.

What's the only thing better than driving drunk at 6 in the AM? Driving drunk while listening to the Sufjan Stevens' "Songs For Christmas" at 6 in the AM!

As has so often been the case, I have Giz to thank for directing me to this great, great collection. Sufjan has really done something special here; both his reverence for the season and creativity are equally apparent. For the second straight Christmastime, I've had these on repeat non-stop. My favorite is "What Child is This Anyway?"

Down there is a video of him doing one of his original Christmas songs, live. It's good, but you really owe it to yourself to go here and listen to the collection in its entirety. I just ordered my hard copy from Amazon. It comes with a songbook and stickers!

Hooray, Sufjan! Hooray, Christmas!