Fare thee well, 2005

2005: The year has been short, but the days were long.

Because our opinions matter the most out of all the people we know, we have decided to privelege you with a "Year in Review" spectacular. We took whatever Giz could remember happening, and gave it the breakdown.

Star wars finally ending

V: Goodbye and good riddance to the prequel trilogy. I initially liked Episode III, but it was only before I realized how far I had lowered my standards for the new movies. George Lucas raped my childhood.

G: I only saw the first one, and thought the original 3 were highly overrated, but then again I have been told that I hate Jesus and puppies. I was hoping that this would mean the end of crazy Freakazoids(!) at the movie theatre, with LOTR ending as well, but we still have x-men and Harry Potter to give people another alternate dimension in which to sequester themselves.

R: Well, since I wasn't alive to experience the paradigm shift that the original three apparently caused, I had no stock in these movies. By no means a movie buff, I'm easily placated by a visceral appeal. Thrumming bass drone, minor-toned chanting a la The Omen, and the crackling hum of light sabers and I'll say I got my matinee's worth. No, they definately don't capture the epic mythology of 4-6, but they were pretty. And nope, still don't take Ewan McGregor seriously since Moulin Rouge.

The White Sox winning, finally.

V: The White Sox winning means the Astros lost. This is sad, because it will probably be another 25 years before they are competitive enough to make it back to the series, the rate this off-season is going.

G: I bought a White Sox hat when I was in the 5th grade, I think because Dr. Dre had one, I'm not sure. Congrats to them, lord knows the Rangers are never going to win.

R: Who are the White Sox? They play for Bismarck, ND right?

-The birth of Smelliot

V: The insurance refers to the birth of a child as a "life change." How apt the nomenclature is. Elliot is the man. I can't even imagine what life would be like without him now. This may sound like a rationalization, but I swear it's not – 22 is the perfect age to have a child. I love the little guy, and I love my life.

G: It was a great day in history. Wish I could see more of the little man, but alas….

R: Nothing was so surreal as watching Vince's patriarchal instincts kick in when I first met Elliot. I mean, yeah, Vince is mature and shit, but what a drunkass. I'm defiiately proud of Vince as a father and I'm looking forward to knocking up some leggy blonde soon.

-Sudoku

V: I have only recently discovered this. It's a good time killer, I guess, but I'd rather just read something.

G: I see it everywhere, on the bus, on the subway, in my sleep. This game is awesome. Where has it been all of my life?

R: I totally got to this before the masses. I was going to Sudoku shows way before you even heard of it. Anyways, it's all sold out now. The major labels totally fucked their art. Fucking sell-out Sudoku.

-Ashley messing up on SNL, even though Vince loves her

V: Ashlee Simpson can do no wrong.

G: The best part is when she tried to play it off by dancing a fucking jig. Just priceless!!

R: She should've just played it off Elvis Costello style. Stop! Stop the music! We've gotta play something The Man doesn't want us to. Like.....that piece I wrote about the persecution of Falun Gong practitioners in China!

-Return of Family Guy

V: In all honesty, I have yet to see a new episode. I couldn't tell you what I do on Sunday nights, but I'm sure it's important enough to warrant missing these.

G: This just goes to show that shows can be brought back from the dead, and that networks do occasionally listen to viewers. It gives hope for Carnivale, Kitchen Confidential, Wonderfalls, Arrested Development, et al, etc, etc.

R: When Brian got into a banana costume and starting singing "It's peanut butter and Jelly time. Peanut Butter Jelly with a baseball bat." I came all over Arun's face.

-Giz moved to NY

V: Giz leaves Texas. This is still a bit of an enigma to me. It is difficult to comprehend packing up and moving 2000 miles away with only a tentative gameplan and completely lacking a job, but you pulled it off. You win.

G: Story of the year for me anyways. I still have no gameplan, and am nearly completely lacking of a job, but this is totally fucking awesome, and the best decision that I ever made in my life.

R: Definitely ballsy. Of course I want him back, but he's happy or whatever with his neo-bohemian lifestyle and Interpol-inspired sartorial sense and he should stay. Just know that I'm slowly becoming a more pitiable human being without mentors around. Oldest guy in the chapter (besides Linus)? WTF? And uh, Prison Sex is on Undertow.

-Seabass gets shipped out

V: Beloved Seabass. I'm still not sure how the National Guard can pull you into active duty when you're a semester away from graduating, but I guess it's just part of the job description. At least he's a good sport about it. Hooray, war.

G: What a hardass.

R: He's lost 30 pounds since he get deployed, so uh....fuck Atkins, send fat people to war. Not that you're fat Seabass....uh....see you in a little bit.

-Michael Jackson Trial

V: I don't remember if he was acquitted or not. That's how much I cared.

G: What a pedorass, my hero.

R: But he made Thriller, man.

-Robert Blake Trial

V: I got nothin'.

G: I have no idea what the outcome was, but I hear that it was important.

R: He totally killed that bitch, right?

-Phil Spektor Trial

V: As you can see, I care little to nothing about high profile trials, or trials at all for that matter.

G: What a Musical badass, what a fucking weirdo.

R: Yeah, I got nothing for this one.

-The MTA Strike

V: This made Giz angry, so it made me angry. Grrrrrr.

G: See previous post. What a colossal waste of time. I love the fact that they got nothing out of it except for lost pay and having to pay $2500 each in fines. Go MTA strike!

R: No unions in Texas.

-Peter Braunstein (the "fireman" rapist guy)

V: I have no idea who this is, it must be some silly NYC thing.

G: This is the dude who bough all sorts of fireman's crap on ebay, dressed up like a fireman on Halloween weekend, and conned his way into a house of a coworker, saying that he needed to check the smoke detector, and proceeded to tie her up and rape her for 13 hours. He used to be a journalist, and then there was a nationwide man-hunt for the dude. You can see all the shit that he bought on ebay. They finally caught him last week. It was all over Gawker….i guess it was some silly nyc thing.

R: Giz broke my smoke detector.

- Undefeated Longhorns

V: Probably one of the biggest stories of the year. Fuck it. THE biggest story of the year. I feel as if each and every step I have ever taken in my life has been part of a deterministic system with this season as the inevitable and predestined end. It has been absolutely magical. From the taste of glory in Colombus, to the miracle in Stillwater; from the mental sigh of relief at the Cotton bowl, to the adrenaline rush and electricity I felt at each and every home game – words cannot describe the overwhelming sense of emotion this team evokes in me. I will weep on Wednesday night. There will be no drunkenness. It will be a sacred moment, and should be experienced as such. The tears of joy and pure love will flow like they never have before. Hook 'em, and God bless Texas.

G: I am going to reserve judgement on this until next week, but if we win, it will be the biggest day of my life. We have all been waiting a lifetime for this, and this will truly be the greatest thing ever, in the history of superlatives.

R: This should be my senior year, so it's all me. Best senior year ever. We'll do great next year too during my second senior year.

-IPods

V: I finally joined the Ipod army this Christmas, thanks to a semi-mother-in-law who treats me far better than I deserve. I still can't believe I waited this long to get one – I've bought them as gifts for other people, but never got one for myself. Wtf? I am IN LOVE with mine now, with podcasts, and with the Itunes music store. It is my New Year's resolution to do my best to stay legit and actually pay for music *cough Giz*

G: I have had my generation III since 2003, and I wish I had a new one. The iPod changed my life for the better, as it will for everyone who gets one. If I could only get the new one in my 3rd generations case, I would be a happy man.

R: My brother gave me his old one as my 21st birthday present. I showed him by deleting all his music off it and filling it with a Pitchfork prescribed plethora of pretention. Definately has improved my quality of life and ability to mass consume new music. Maybe I'll develop my own sense of musical taste soon. *crosses fingers*

-Katrina/Rita

V: Disaster strikes. Twice. I never saw this coming.

Unfortunately, when I think Katrina, even now, I still think first about all the finger pointing. It definitely made for some of the worst news coverage in the history of the world. I think the collective headline over anything Katrina-related for the months following its strike was "BUSH HATES BLACKS, SENDS HURRICANE TO WIPE OUT THEIR EXISTENCE." We had hundreds of thousands of people displaced, tens of thousands of whom experienced devastating property loss, and yet we always seemed to come back to the blame game. Message to idiots: if you are relying on the government to save people from an overwhelmingly powerful force of nature, please, send me a postcard from fantasy land. Shut up, get your head out of your asses, and do something. Oh wait, how could I forget? Bitching is what you do best.

Rita was the bane of my existence for a grand total of 17 hours as I made a 100 mile trek to La Grange. Thank God my mind shut down and went into autopilot mode, or I may have gone insane. Especially during that stretch when I went exactly 1.5 miles in 5 hours. In 100 degree heat. Or when I realized that my gerbil - my traveling companion, my friend – died of heatstroke. Poor little guy. Never again, says I. I will ride it out next time, no questions asked.

G: That sucks that you were tooling all around Texas when Rita hit, it was my last week in Dallas, and you should have been at the party. We made the mistake of having it on the same weekend as ACL and then the hurricane hits, just our luck. It was still a kickass party. Now if we had only served Hurricanes and Magaritas for our Hurricane Rita party, it would have been the coolest thing ever.

R: My family was safe north of Dallas. My uncle spent an hour getting to the nearest on-ramp, gave up, and drove home. My highschool "friends" in Beaumont ate some tree trunks, but for the most part were ok. The upshot of this snafu for us was the introduction of a pretentious, Jewish Tulane-refugee into the courtyard who refused to drink beer. Que ridiculo.

-London and Madrid Bombings

V: Bombers are insane, and I don't understand them or the efficacy of their tactics.

G: This sucked for everyone. But at least tickets to London are cheaper now.

R: It's the button-mashing of the radical sect.

-Tori Spelling gets engaged again (it was just yesterday)

V: Scratch this one.

G: Noted.

R: Marriage to celebrities is like dating in middle school.

-Brad and Jennifer getting Divorced

V: Since when is Brad Pitt as old as my father? Jennifer Anniston is hottest woman alive. Their breakup was a blessing in disguise for her, once she realizes that I am contemplating dating her.

G: She is married to me now. We are adopting.

R: If she would've just snuck in a boob job, none of this would've happened.

-Steroid Scandal

V: Waste of time, waste of money, waste of humanity. Dear Congressman X, FUCK OFF. Go bang an intern or something productive like that. Whatever you do, stay the hell out of it. Addressing the issue at hand, I am not really anti-steroid. It's an artifact of ridiculously high salaries for paid athletes. These guys get paid unfathomable amounts to perform, and perform, and perform again. Do you think a $10 million contract isn't worth cutting a couple corners or taking a shortcut to power? If the league really cares enough to fix the problem, or at least tone it down a bit, here's a failsafe solution: get a damn salary cap. PLEASE. Still, the 2005 steroid story was the gayness of Congress. (Link to previous post.)

G: Rafael Palmeiro goes for sure hall of famer to going down in the annuls of history as a cheater. He was a total badass, and now look at him. I say don't blame the message or the messenger, rules is rules, but congress does not need to be involved. Congress should worry about making my shoes smell better.

R: I'd take 'em, but I just can't afford anymore penile atrophy. Shit...I'm hung like a mezcal worm.

-Kenny Rogers

V: Promise me son not to do the things I've done.

G: Now is the time to fold 'em.

R: All I see is Will Sasso getting hit in the head with a flying 3 wood.

-Dave Chapelle going nuts.

V: Biggest disappointment of the year. Dave, you were on the top of the world. Way to blow it…

G: Ditto

R: But come'on, World of Warcraft.

-Ricky Williams quitting, then coming back

V: Ol' Rick...

G: He is so much the man.

R: Let's get stoned.

-Kanye West

V: Get a clue, Kanye. (Link to previous post.)

G: George Bush hates black people. I hate Kanye West.

R: Racial indignation is always en vogue.

-Tom Cruise

V: The biggest crackpot celebrity of all time? This guy fascinates me. Whereas most celebs "practice" Scientology or Kabballah to be fashionable, Tom actually believes in the crap. He has made it his identity. And the Oprah appearance? You can't write that kind of stuff. That was an instantly classic moment in television history. The Hollywood inmates are running the asylum. Too good, too good.

G: Only good things can come out of this. Bigger boobs for Katie Holmes. The coining of the term "jump the couch", Increased use of psychiatrists (hence more jobs for struggling psych majors)

R: The man's got nice hair though. Seriously, well-managed locks.

-Cloning

V: Hwang successfully created 11 embryonic stem cell lines. We are on our way to miracle cures! The end is in sight! This will save lives! Oh wait, never mind. He lied about it all, and as a result was forced to resign from his post as researcher at his Korean university last week. Now, I've got plenty to say about both the practicality and morality of embryonic stem cell research, and cloning in general, but suffice it to say that these latest developments are totally unsurprising to me. (Link to previous post.)

G: I have no opinion on cloning, I say, make my shoes smell better.

R: Man, I don't fucking know. My lymph nodes are so distended that I have no discernible jaw bone. I can't drink! It's fucking December 30th! I'll take some fucking stem cells. Miracle cure! Miracle cure!

-Terri Schiavo

V: Disgusting, to say the least. The sheer magnitude of people's ignorance and/or lack of developed conscience are staggering. It brought physical pain to my heart to hear so many otherwise good and wonderful people repeat, ad nauseum, that "that is no way to live." When did we forget about the merits of suffering?

G: I was totally amazed how the entire country responded to this. It was all over the place. And once, again, I totally was lacking of an opinion. I was like, "Clap Your Hands Say Yeah is Awesome!" whenever somebody asked me about this. It was a big story though.

R: Fucked up.

-Papal Death and Election

V: As John Paul II was the only papa I have ever known throughout my entire life, this came as quite the blow to me. He is now and forever deserving of the title of "the Great," and in my opinion, is the greatest leader/man of the 20th century. The depth of his legacy is hardly fathomable. Of course, I was ecstatic that Ratzinger was elected; even more so when he took on the name Benedict. He is going to give Western Europe a fighting chance at survival. JP2 was right: this period is a "new springtime for the Church." It is a great time to be Catholic.

G: I read The DaVinci Code, so I consider myself well versed in the intricacies of papal ceremonies and traditions. OK, so I know nothing, but it was really staggering how the world gathered and watched all of this take place. I even watched the funeral, and I have only been to one ever. I really, really, know very little about the new Pope, so little that his name escapes me entirely, but if this guy is half as good as Vince told me his predecessor was, he will be a good one.

R: I have so much John Paul II memorabilia from my 2001 visit to Rome. It's beautiful. I love Papa postcards and bookmarks with felt backing. I wish I had a better informed view of the modern church, but alas, my undergraduate career leaves me little time for organized religion, especially with my abject hedonism and self-centered worldview.

And that's the way we roll.

I will exercise my self-appointed authority and posthumously dub 2005 the Year of the Longhorn. And 2006? We will have to see...

Here's to another great one in 2006. Everyone: Stay safe, and Happy New Year.

Mens sana in corpore sano.

Sleeping with the Enemy and Blackshirt dominance

Caught this funny bit in the Bevo Beat blog on the Statesman. So A.J. Hawk has been dating Brady Quinn's older sister for a few months. In a "Sports Newsmakers" segment noting their relationship, the Statesman ran the headline "Sleeping With the Enemy?" Witty, to say the least. Check out his sister here. She's an aspiring sports broadcast something or another, so like all good starlet-hopefuls, she appropriately whores herself out for any sort of media attention she can get. I love it.

[UPDATE: After you click on the link to check out Q's sister, if you don't see an option for an ESPN motion video called "Quinn Family Conflict" with a smiling girl next to it, try alternately clicking the "ESPN motion" and "All" links next to display until it shows up on one or the other. It's quirky that way.]

Do you know what else I love? Excellent football games, which is exactly what we were treated to yesterday. My phone rang more times last night in 10 minutes than it had in the past two weeks combined. I was so happy. I'm not a Michigan fan at all, but I will definitely say that they had an awful string of luck from an officiating stanpoint. Still, the card says moops, and I don't think a little questionable officiating detracted from an otherwise amazing game.

Even though they gave up 28, the Blackshirt D was off the hizzie. I'm hesitant to say the Huskers are "back," but the temptation is great. I hope they are a force next year. Go Big XII.

That's all from me today. Giz and I are busy working on our "Best of 2005" list, and we'll make sure Richard gets a go at it, too. Look for it mañana.

I've noticed a steady decline in our hit rate, so....

TITS ASS FUCK DONKEY FUCK CUM IN MY FACE CUM IN MY MOUTH CUM IN MY EYE CUM IN MY POOPER BIG TITTIES FLOPPY TITTIES SMALL TITTIES GECKO TITTIES LEATHER LATEX SPANDEX SPLOOGE GIZ MONEY SHOT GLASS BOTTOM BOAT DONKEY PUNCH COLLEGE GIRLS GONE WILD THREESOMES WITH DONKEYS CHIMPS KITTENS PANTY HOSE SMOKING GRANNY TRANNY SHEMALE BIG BLACK COCK GAY SEX IF THE RED RIVER'S FLOWING TAKE THE DIRT ROAD HOME RUSSIAN CANDY CANE DOGGY STYLE FUCK ME IN THE ASS FUCK ME SIDEWAYS FUCK ME SILLY FUCK ME RUNNING AMATEUR PORN AMATEUR WEBCAMS AMATEUR BLOWJOBS BLOW UP DOLLS SWINGERS GERMAN SCHEIZER FILMS SNUFF DIRTY WHORES

That should do the trick. Eat it, Google.

Squander

The bowls only get better from here on out. Last night's was decent, but today it really picks up with Boise State-BC this afternoon, and then Michigan-Nebraska tonight. Score. And notice anything over to the right? Oh yeah, as the countdown would indicate, we're only SEVEN DAYS AWAY from the Granddaddy. I've already started getting a little sick from the jitters. Come next Wednesday, I guarantee I'll throw up at least thrice at work. Actually, a little bit of puke just came out right now. Shit. We are so going to win.

In other news, the results of our peer assessments came in a while back. I debated with myself whether or not to share them with you, but today is such a slow damn day that it's pretty much all I have to talk about. Needless to say, I am the poop. I'm pretty much in the 101st percentile. Such a high rating has several implications, not the least of which means a fatty boombatty, upgraded bonus, come April.

Now, prudence would dictate setting a substantial chunk of that aside for savings or investment, or possibly dumping it into the 401(k), opening a college fund for the child, or paying off student loans. Usually, when prudence dictates something to me, I remind prudence that I am 22 years old, and still have a lot of life left to fuck up. So prudence will probably have to wait until next year to be minded. This year, I am splurging. Here are possible wastes of money I am considering, in order of preference:

1. The cnet Editor's Choice, 50" Panasonic industrial grade plasma television. For God's sake. I have been nutting over this thing for a year now. I told myself I would buy it after I paid off my truck. Since that happens in exactly one month, by the time April rolls around, I will be beyond restless to finally get this thing in my living room. Oh glorious, glorious HD.
   
2. An engagement ring. Don't ask.
3. An decent summer vacation. A guy down the hall has a really nice cabin at a great spot on Tahoe, and he said he would hook me up with a bargain rate. That sounds sweet and all, but I'm thinking something a little more.... tropical. A Pacific or Caribbean island? Shyeah. Oh man, I'm getting all tingly down there.
4. A down payment on a house. Ehhh, but I may be back in Austin in a year, so that's probably jumping the gun. A down payment on an A6 - that's more like it. I would so pimp the hell out of one of those things. They are incredible.

That's about it for now. In all honesty, the plasma dominates my every waking moment, so it's pretty much a lock at this point. Longhorns in HD next season, defending the National Championship... gooooooooooo.

Who cares about all that, though. Most importantly, has anyone ever hit this shortcut on DK Mountain? And why was I not aware of its existence??

The Third Day of Christmas

Today is the third day of Christmas, and also the feast of St. John, apostle and evangelist. Granted, our beloved USCCB has tossed both tradition and the twelve days to the wayside in favor of placing Epiphany on the nearest Sunday, but what can you do? I guess this just means we can have fourteen days this year, or as Neuhaus puts it, "twelve days of Christmas +2."

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Fodder for your Netflix queue. I think I've seen a grand total of two of these movies, but then again, that's about as many times as I actually venture to the theater per year. I will give you fair warning about "Last Days": it is quite possibly the worst movie I have ever seen.

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A good hodgepodge of Longhorn stuff today....

Don't forget to vote for Vince's 80 yard run during the OkState game as the Game Changing Performance of the Year. The winning school gets $100k for their general scholarship fund, which may or may not cover four year's tuition for a couple kids, the way they jack it up every year. Forget all that, though. Let's just keep showing VY that he's still the fan favorite.

Also, (I know this is old) Vasher and Rogers are both pro-bowlers this year. I always thought that Vasher was only showing us flashes of his brilliance as both a corner and return man for Texas, and this season he has finally exploded. He had a couple great returns and picks in the 2004 season, but now... holy Toledo. Plus, the longest play ever? Yes, please. Rogers is solid, albeit somewhat of a headscratcher pick. Who cares though, he's a Longhorn.

Lastly, here is an excellent excerpt from a book that is most definitely required reading: "Stadium Stories... Texas Longhorns," by Bill Little. Goosebumps, knowing that we are making our own history as we speak, almost equally storied.

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I'm still in a lazy mood today, so I'll just give you another "best of 2005" list and we'll call it even. I really enjoy lists. They're such a great starting point for debate, and remind you of stuff you may have forgotten about. I think I'll try and bring the boys together to compile one or two for you this week, as sort of a late Christmas present. Lucky you, huh? Anyway, here's Star Wars.

Back to the slowest week ever at work. I win.

The Chronic-what!-cles of Narnia

Maybe you've seen this already. I just discovered it during my back-to-back 12 hour work shifts and was elated. Great questions were answered, and the TOB's choice of Google Maps was vindicated. Double True.

The Feast in the Snow

By G.K. Chesterton

There is heard a hymn when the panes are dim,
And never before or again,
When the nights are strong with a darkness long,
And the dark is alive with rain.

Never we know but in sleet and snow
The place where the great fires are,
That the midst of earth is a raging mirth,
And the heart of the earth a star.

And at night we win to the ancient inn,
Where the Child in the frost is furled,
We follow the feet where all souls meet,
At the inn at the end of the world.

The gods lie dead where the leaves lie red,
For the flame of the sun is flown;
The gods lie cold where the leaves are gold,
And a Child comes forth alone.

This is the last hurrah from my end until probably Tuesday.

I wish you all a blessed and joyous Christmas.

Venite Adoremus Dominum.

Excellent

A sane response from the world's most rational fans. I love it.

Check out the entire series of pics:

"My sensible reaction..." via Bostondirtdogs.com.

A "yea," and a "nay"

So Marlon Wayans Howie Mandel is hosting a game show called "Deal or No Deal." If I do say so myself, it is FUCKING AWESOME. Now, I may think this only because I get a hard on for game theory and probability, but I don't think its mass appeal can be denied.

The rules and probabilities are found here.

I think it's one of those shows that's only making a brief, seasonal run, so it'll probably end this week or next. If you have no life, like me, you should check it out tonight or tomorrow, if only to see how weird Howie Mandel is.

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Seriously, does ESPN have anyone on their college football staff doing actual analysis?? This USC vs. every team in history crap is so fucking gay. This is the best the "worldwide leader in sports" has to offer, just days before the game of the millenium? Take a trip over to CFN and see what real sports coverage look like. Just with respect to today's Las Vegas Bowl, for example, CFN has pages and pages of "keys to the game," "what to look for," "player watches," etc. ESPN has just this, along with a few meager stats:

You can only imagine the crap they're going to throw at us before the Rose Bowl.

Get with the damn program, ESPN.

This Blows

I don't want this to be leangthy, because there is just not too much to say about it. THIS STRIKE SUCKS. I know that they chose to strike around the holidays so that the city would cave faster, but honestly....this blows. This bullshit is reportedly costing the city $400 million per day in lost productivity, and I really feel bad for the people that are trying to visit the city for the holidays. Having a part time job at Macy's (the one on the parade), I see these people all of the time. It was a mad dash to leave work on monday, people trying to get home before the strike started. One of my internships yesterday was totally dead, only half the office could make it in. I have never, and now, will never be a so-called "union man." Fuck unions. They are unecessary now, maybe it's the baseball union that has me so against them, but we are not in fucking coal mines anymore. This is not "Harlan County U.S.A." They are pissed because they may have to walk around the subway cars now?, like all us normal people?! Fuck them. And fuck Unions. Where do you sign up to be a scab? I volunteer myself to be a strikebreaker. Now, I know a few of you may be big Huey Long fans, in fact, I at least one of you is. But screw that shit. It's 2005, get a grip. I now officially have a gripe against the north. This shit would never EVER happen in Texas. I'm not moving back though.

Defeatism abounds

Now THIS is entertaining. The Media Research Center's "Best Notable Quotables of 2005." The index is on the sidebar to the left. You can literally spend a couple hours reading/listening to what these jackasses say off-cuff, without the crutch of a teleprompter to keep them somewhat objective.

As most of you know, I'm about as stringent anti-WarinIraq as they come, but you have to see the idiocy and agenda-pushing in exchanges like this, a typical example:

Matt Lauer in Baghdad: "Talk to me...about morale here. We’ve heard so much about the insurgent attacks, so much about the uncertainty as to when you folks are going to get to go home. How would you describe morale?"

Chief Warrant Officer Randy Kirgiss: "In my unit morale is pretty good. Every day we go out and do our missions and people are ready to execute their missions. They’re excited to be here."

Lauer: "How much does that uncertainty of [not] knowing how long you’re going to be here impact morale?"

Specialist Steven Chitterer: "Morale is always high. Soldiers know they have a mission. They like taking on new objectives and taking on the new challenges...."

Lauer: "Don’t get me wrong here, I think you are probably telling me the truth, but a lot of people at home are wondering how that could be possible with the conditions you’re facing and with the attacks you’re facing. What would you say to those people who are doubtful that morale can be that high?"

Captain Sherman Powell: "Sir, if I got my news from the newspapers also, I’d be pretty depressed as well."

— Exchange on NBC’s Today, August 17.

This one's my favorite, though:

"An Advocate for the Right."
— Headline over a New York Times "news analysis" of Judge John Roberts’ judicial philosophy, July 28.

vs.

"Balanced Jurist at Home in the Middle."
— Headline over a June 27, 1993 New York Times story on Supreme Court nominee Ruth Bader Ginsburg.

After plodding through these, is there any doubt about the leftism of the mainstream media? I think not. Further, systematic proof is summarized here.

The quote archives go back more than a decade, and are fun to peruse, too. Have fun.

UGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHH

Fuckin' hell.

Gaydar

The first person to tell me what movie that still is from wins a blowjob.

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So Cody and I went to the basketball game on Saturday. Ouch. The bottom line: Tennessee came to play, and we didn't even show up. The Vols offense had our defenders running in circles the whole game, while our offense was stagnant as the day is long. I can count the number of times Lamarcus even CAUGHT the ball on two hands.

I'm not trying to beat a dead horse or hate on the team, but rather point out that these are issues that Rick desperately needs to address. Lazy defense and a complete lack of offense don't win national championships. On the players' side, someone HAS to step up as a leader on that team. P.J. looked like he was toying with the idea, but never quite got over the hump. Let's go Horns...

I guess the upshot of the day was that Cody and I were on TV like three times, in HD. That's pretty glorious.

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Ashlee is hospitalized?!? Hat tip to Cole and Tito, for keeping me in the loop. Seeing as she is the unofficial object of lust of this blog, we should hope for a Christmas miracle, and a speedy recovery, so she can get back on tour ASAP. I, for one, miss her already.

We love you, Ashlee!

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Sorry for the briefness today. I've been in meetings all morning, and have more to get to after lunch.

Stay on target.

Oh yeah, and I'm sure most of you are already aware of the fact that the chief export of Chuck Norris is pain, but did you know that the role of Alf, from the hit 80's TV show of the same name was actually played by Chuck Norris' penis? Go here if you have no idea what I'm talking about.

Mmmmm, Winter Break

So, with finals over, I renew my devotion to the Triumvirate. I'll remind you guys why you miss me, because I bet you forgot. Anyways....as the yin to Toonces' consummate yang and Gizmo's I'm-the-white-dot-and-the-black-dot-at-the-same-time (yeah, Giz, I'm calling you a hermaphro), I continue to troll celebrity gossip blogs for especially juice tidbits for me (nipple slips) and you. Tidbits that justify my devotion to herd mentality celebrity stalking and emasculation. This is a good one. Click this bitch.




Yes, my pretties, as the Rose Bowl approaches, our opponent's leader gets the shaft. From our women. God Bless. I bet Vince (Young) never gets shafted. Ever.

New look... kinda

It suddenly hit me that since we are about to win the fucking National Championship, we should have a hella lot more burnt orange up in this biznatch. To be sure, this whole page should be nothing but solid orange, but that would impede readability, so this is the best we can do for now. As you can see, I re-did the little banner. I know it looks kinda dinky, but I couldn't get the image to upload full size. I'll fix it before we win. Fixed it. Next thing to work on is the color scheme...

Good gravy, I love counting my eggs before they hatch.

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Does anyone else not only NOT give a shit what the hell the Vikings do in their free time, but also think that calling a press conference to file MISDEMEANOR charges against them is an exercise in waste and futility? Honestly, what's the worst that's going to happen to these guys? A fine, and maybe some community service. Whoop dee fucking doo. This whole thing is a circus act, and a squandering of time and resources on the part of the Hennepin County Sherrif's Office. It would've been just as easy to take a kick-back, give them a little slap on the wrist, and keep hush hush - the end results are the same.

Way to ruin Sportscenter and sports radio for the rest of us, assholes.

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I'm going to see my first Horns basketball game of the season tomorrow. Totally pumped, I've missed the O-Zone...

UT vs. UT.

We're riding a 33 game non-conference home win streak.

We're gonna beat the shit out of them.

Enjoy the weekend, and Hook 'Em.

What do you think?

Four first-rounders?

Also, is anyone or anyone we know actually going to the Rose Bowl? I need to know who to vicariously live through.

Condolences. The bums lost.

There are two things that I would love to accomplish at some point in my life, but that I probably will never get around to doing: keep a journal, and maintain a prolonged letter exchange with another person.

My mind keeps wandering back to Jefferson-Adams in particular, but just think of how much of what we know about so many historical figures has as a direct source these two modes of recorded thought. I often find myself wondering where historians of the future will go to find primary sources that will enable them to truly understand the character of the major world players of today, or even of the everyman. Journals and letters have filled that role to perfection in the past, and the practice bears maintaining.

Of course, when I say I want to keep a journal, I'm not talking about the "December 15 - Today was the most boring day ever, for dinner I had lasagna" variety. I mean it as a place in which to transcribe a thought process, or expand upon a certain substantial thought or idea, in free form. I think free-form is really the key - you have to capture your thoughts as quickly as they flow out. I can't tell you how many times I have frustrated myself to no ends by failing to record a certain rhythmic or meaningful thought process, only to have it lost in the shuffle of short term consciousness forever.

Some may argue that a blog serves that purpose. I firmly disagree. For all but the tiniest few, writing a blog is about exposure. It is an exhibitionist act. It is a means of sharing your opinion, with no expectation to be swayed from it. It is a cry for help, support, or empathy. As such, it is written with an audience in mind, and structured accordingly. Therefore, it is anything BUT a place to stream consciousness, or allow ideas to unfold at a natural pace and in a natural direction. This blog is no exception.

The journal has so much more merit than the blog; its potential as a furrow for ideas is so much greater. And as much as it exists on a higher level than the blog, so does the letter exchange exist above it. Actually, scratch that. I would say that the letter exchange is a natural extension of a well-kept journal, sort of its refinement.

The exchange is the payoff. In this case, two-dimensions are infinitely more dynamic than one. One person kicks off with a write up of his ideas on... well, anything. The other responds to his points, opines, and in turn makes a few of his own. The exchange continues indefinitely. The end result is that both ideas and opinions are shared, molded, revised - an overall productive process, and additionally one that embraces our shared humanity in a satisfying and gratifying manner.

Brevity is, of course, almost out of the question. Lengthiness is not necessarily requisite, but somewhat expected to allow for a full expression of thought. Care must also be given to format and structure this time, as effective communication is your first priority. Finally, and this is also true of the journal, it must be hand-written. This is absolutely essential in tackling the original goal we set out to accomplish: preserving the thoughts and ideas we have NOW for future historians. If you don't trust your hard drive only as far as you can piss on it, I question your sanity.

Anyway, I think I might have just convinced myself to start doing these things. What would hold anyone back? Well, for one, they are not easy to maintain. Like anything valuable, both journals and letter writing require time and effort, things that are placed at the ultimate premium these days. Still, nothing changes the fact that the journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.

Let's take it.

Wanted: Pen Pal. Must be male. And smart.

Seriously.

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Do French jokes ever get old? I think not. I found yet another list, this time courtesy First Things. It's comprised mostly of "classics," but it does have a few I hadn't heard before.

My favorite:

"They’ve taken their own precautions against al Qaeda. To prepare for an attack, each Frenchman is urged to keep duct tape, a white flag, and a three-day supply of mistresses in the house."
—Argus Hamilton

I don't think it gets much better than that.

Here's the link, they're in the middle of the page.

I love people

The Ashlee binge is over.

Arun admits he would do her.

All is well in the world.

Shife is my last remaining convert, but he is unswayable.

Goodbye Ashlee, you will be missed.

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For lunch yesterday, I went to some little bistro to get a sandwich and a salad. The setup of the shop was as follows: You approach a counter from the front and place your order. If you order a salad, a lady working at the counter throws all the components of the salad in a bowl, drizzles a little dressing on top, then hands the bowl to a guy behind her. This guys is in charge of tossing the salad, and transferring the salad to the plastic container in which you take it home. Got the mental picture?

Obviously, the salad tosser uses tongs. As a courtesy to other customers, in between tosses, he places the tongs in a large bucket of water, much as they treat a scoop in an ice cream store. This procedure serves the purpose of rinsing off the extra dressing on the tongs, so that the person ordering a side salad with italian doesn't end up getting a hint of the other person's caesar. Obviously, the bucket of water gets a little murky, but it's still a dang good idea.

I went down to grub sort of after the lunch rush, which was why I had time to observe these things. Usually, you feel such a suffocating pressure from the masses behind you to order and get the hell out of the way, but I'll save that story for my "herd theory of consumption" post.

So anyway, it's just me and another lady at the counter, both getting salads. The dude tossed mine first. I see all the behind the scenes goings on and think nothing of it. I could tell the lady next to me was getting a little squeamish, though. Sure enough, after he boxed up mine and just as he was pulling his tongs out of the water, she chimed in - "Excuse me, could you get a new set of tongs. Those are dirty." I took my salad and sandwich and walked away before I allowed myself to hear another word.

Seriously. It was just diluted salad dressing. VERY diluted. Who the hell actually pipes up about that kind of thing?? Lady, you just paid 2 bucks for lettuce and a couple tomatoes. Get over it.

The only thing I could think about on the walk back to my office was that I felt sorry for her family. I was saddened by the high likelihood that she was raising an entire litter of little pussies, who would themselves one day carry the burden of her displaced obsessionism. I cringed for her husband, whom I imagined for years has been forced to sit through entire meals with her in which she nitpicks the waiter, demands new, hotter bowls of soup, and cleaner forks.

These type of people themselves sadden me. "Have it your way" becomes not so much their slogan as their mantra, their life directive. The service industry is there for a reason, they think, the humanity of workers be damned. They WILL have things their way, no matter how cheaply they are getting them in return. After all, just who's the center of the universe around here? It sure isn't that wetback behind the counter.

My buddy told me a pertinent story just the other day. He lives in a loft here downtown, and they have a valet service. When he first moved in, they wouldn't mind parking a few of your friends' cars, either. Very cool. Well, inevitably, people started having people over either all the time, or in large numbers in short periods of time. In short, they took advantage of the system. End result: no more free valet for ANYBODY's friends.

Which leads us, I suppose, to the point of the story. People in the service industry are not your personal servants. They offer a service, almost always clearly defined and made known to you up front, before you pay. If they choose to go above and beyond and cater to your every whim, that is their prerogative. BUT, it should never, in any way, be expected.

Your dollar is worth no more than the next guy's, but when you treat it as such and expect people to bend over backward for you, it fucks up things for everyone. Workers may get pissed at the world and become generally unhappy and unpleasant, or, as in my friend's case, certain courtesies may be retracted. So now we receive WORSE overall service and get less for our dollar. Way to go, boneheads.

Here's my advice to everyone, in approaching any service: order with a smile, thank them for their time, and then shut the hell up. The world will be a much happier place.

By the way, God bless Texas.

Your daily dose

Go ahead, Arun.

Admit it.

She's at least a little bit cute.

Say it.

"Wyatt, I Aint Got the Words"

So early Tuesday morning, during a fit of boredom, I was lurking around the texags message board as I am apt to doing, when I came across
this. Now, many of you may know this fellow on the right. He is a friend of the entire triumvirate, name's Ray. While this is an obvious photoshop job, I have to commend the aggies, this is truly HI-LARIOUS. The aggies will stop at nothing to try and pass us "sips" off as "ghey," and all that one can do is laugh at this. Inferiority complexes abound amongst these guys, but I have to ask, how can you even set yourself up for this situation. I think this teaches all of us a lesson, and that lesson is to not let anyone take your picture.....ever. They will steal your soul.

Late additions to the Christmas Holiday list

In case you didn't already buy me something off my wish list, here are three last minute ideas.

The Penguin Classics Library Complete Collection

The Warner Classics Mega Collection

The Andy Sidaris Collection, Vol. 1

Oh yeah, I almost forgot

Come on, now.

If she doesn't give you a chubby, I question your sexuality.

Look at it full size.

I dare you.

I blame myself...

...for the meltdown we experienced on Saturday.

Remember when I told you that I was too lazy to put the sheets back on the bed, so I was sleeping on the floor? Well, Mr. Shife convinced me that it would disturb the balance of the universe and the Horns would lose if I ever actually put them on.

I figured I could take one for the team, so for that reason, I've been sleeping on the floor since the first week of November.

Correction: I HAD BEEN sleeping on the floor, until Friday.

Friday afternoon, I was cleaning my house and couldn't stand to have an unmade bed any longer. Plus I was thinking about how nice it would be to actually stay warm at night, instead of sleeping on the cold ass floor. I made the bed. I slept in it that night.

Saturday... well, I think we all know what happened.

I blame myself.

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I read each of the books from the Chronicles of Narnia at least 10 times each when I was a kid. No lie. They were staples of my childhood literary diet. Obviously, I have also seen both PBS-aired film versions of The Lion, The Witch, and the Wardrobe a bazillion times over: the animated version, co-produced by Bill Melendez and the CTW, and the live-action BBC production. I own them on VHS. In my expert and completely biased opinion, they are both impeccable adaptations.

Which is exactly my main critique of the most recent incarnation. When it was all over and the credits rolled, I couldn't help but ask myself "Why?" Why did we need this version? The book doesn't exactly lend itself to multiple interpretations; the allegory is pretty cut and dry. That's not a bad thing in itself, but it does get a tad old to see the exact same story told exactly the same way in three different movies. They basically become carbon copies of each other. I was seriously quoting dialogue in my head and envisioning exactly where the next scene would be. Yawn.

The animation was decent. The beavers are uber-cool, but the payoff definitely comes at the end, during the battle scene.

Pop quiz: in what percentage of his movies has Liam Neeson played the older, wiser, mentor figure?

All in all, it really wasn't a bad movie, but it certainly wasn't spectacular. It was missing a certain charm, I guess, in that I felt like the only reason I enjoyed it at all was my love for the series. The Silver Chair would've rocked a lot more socks off.

If you've never read these books, first of all, stab yourself in the eye, then buy the set. Each one only takes a few hours to read. If you have read them, but have never seen any of the film versions, you should shoot yourself in the face, then find one to watch. I know the BBC version is on Netflix, but I'm pretty sure they haven't transferred the animated one to DVD yet. I'm sure you can Amazon a used VHS copy for about 2 bucks. It would be a worthy investment.

P.S. Leach, I'm glad I was drunk when I saw it.

P.S.S. Giz, this is an awesome song. Great pick.

Holy Hell

Live blogging, from the couch, during the TX-Duke game.

FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK.

Fucking JJ Redick. What the fuck? It's not humanly possible. He's got the power of the dark side.

Mental breakdowns. Turnovers.

I turned the game off. I can't stand it.

The worst part is that I already planned on going to Confession later this afternoon, so I can't even get drunk enough to try and blackout. I love my life.

Hook 'em.

P.S. I threw my phone across the room and broke it, so don't try to call. I'll get a new one on Monday.

It could go on forever...

This will continue until Arun publicly acknowledges her hotness.

Sure Vince swept his nominations, but I think I'm more pleased with the fact that Huff Daddy won the Thorpe - a first for a Longhorn. He has been nothing less than a monster coming out of the backfield all season, and was deserving of this award and All American status by a landslide. I can't wait to see him pulverize Reggie Bush. Anyway, a huge congrats to both, as well as Jon Scott and Rod Wright for their All American recognition.

So tomorrow begins a dry spell of Saturday sports TV, right? WRONG. What's on, you ask? Oh, I dunno, maybe just the biggest regular season game in Texas basketball history. Make absolutely certain that you are in front of a television at noon thirty to watch the Horns take on Duke, if for no other reason to see us wearing BLACK. Burnt Orange Nation is spot-on in calling out PJ as the player to watch. The spiderweb tat gives him super-human power in the Meadowlands. Look out.

Frankie called me a couple nights ago. He was sitting on the dock smoking a bowl, and a sheet of ice floated by him. It's going to be so damn cold up there.

I can't wait.

Mom, do we have to go?

The megachurches crack me up. Their latest stroke of genius? Cancelling Sunday services on December 25th because, hey, it's Christmas.

I tried to find out if my personal favorite, Lakewood, was following suit, but alas. They lacked the pertinent information on their website, so I was in no "unique position to confirm or dis-confirm" my hunch that they had.

By the way, I love their banner splash: "Discover the Champion in You." That's really nice, although I'd probably have gone with something a little less subtle, like "God schmod, we believe in the REAL trinity - me, myself, and I."

Okay, that's enough raggin' on the poor cats, back to the real point of the story.

Sure, "Christmas" for a good chunk of people in this country entails nothing more than an orgy of spending and consumerism, culminating in a morning of shredding wrapping paper. To quote Tupac's variation of a theme, "That's just the way it is; things will never be the same." Fair enough. I fail to comprehend, however, how any self-proclaimed believer in Christ rationalizes foregoing a regularly scheduled worship service because it happens to fall on the day that Christians have, for millenia, celebrated His birth. Not only is it absurd, it really is mind-boggling.

Whatever.

Today we celebrate the solemnity of the Immaculate Conception. Our Lady Immaculately Conceived is the patroness of the United States. Plenary indulgances abound. We win.

O Mary, conceived without sin, pray for us who have recourse to thee.

Hot Shit

I don't care what you guys say.

For your reading pleasure

Ran across a pretty good article, originally published last week in the National Review. The author makes a case that Intelligent Design can and does bridge the cultural gap between Islam and the West. It's a bit overambititous, but he is onto something. While I think that ID is still somewhat of a lacking theory, he is definitely correct in asserting that Western culture, especially in its modern manifestation, shares the same responsibility as the East in assessing itself and identifying its major flaws and shortcomings. Specifically, the problem of materialism - in both its philospohical and economic understanding - is one that *must* be addressed and treated here at home if there is ever to be productive communion between cultures.

From all this, one can see that the much-debated cultural gap between the West and the Muslim world is actually a two-sided coin: While the latter has some extremely conservative or radical elements that turn life into joyless misery, the former has extremely hedonistic and degenerate elements that turn life into meaningless profligacy. And if we look for a rapprochement between Westerners and Muslims, we again have to see both sides of the coin: While Muslim communities need reformers of culture that will save them from bigotry, the Western societies need redeemers of culture that will save them from materialism. Of course, the manifestations of the former (such as support for terrorism) are far more dangerous and intolerable than those of the latter, but as root causes, both must be acknowledged.

So obviously true.

Read the whole thing, it's definitely worth the time. Like I said, his defense of ID is pretty weak, so don't get bogged down by the details of that section. Unless overwhelming evidence slaps me in the face, I don't think I'll ever buy into the "irreducible complexity" argument. It's always seemed sort of a cop out to me.

I think my ass is just as well covered theologically if I assume that there are certain undiscovered mechanisms out there that led to the evolution of, say, protein transport. We'll probably figure out exactly what those mechanisms are someday, and that will be really cool, as long as we remember that the whole lot of the universe and every last one of its physical attributes was created and designed and put into motion and is kept running by God's will. See there, problem solved.

Top 20 Turn-ons (or at least the first twenty I could think of)

As hinted at yesterday... I am totally stealing this idea from Angel.

I won't lie: I love attractive women. The muscles in my neck are probably the most stretched of any in my body. Getting a good look at a hot woman is often the apex of my day. So, what are some things that turn me on about a chick? Let's see...

1. Boobies. Boobies. Boobies. I fucking love boobies. This is always, without fail, the first thing I notice about any chick. It even dictates whether or not I continue checking her out. No boobies, no dice. Oh yeah, and they have to be real. Sure, the B and C cups have their merits, but nothing is hotter than a pair of soft, floppy Tiggo Bitties. D's or DD's. You know, the kind you can stick your face in and feel like you're in the safest place on Earth. Ma-ma...
2. Married women/Single MILFs. I lump these into the same lot, because they share a common attractive feature. You know they put out. Even if they've been sexually repressed for years as a result of busy single motherhood, or a shitty marriage - all the hotter. They're desperate for some action from a young, twenty-something like myself.
3. Older women. Oh, the experience they possess, and the things they could teach us. We should all be so lucky as to bag at least one of these, at some point in our careers.
4. Younger women. Of course, for me, this entails any from the age of 16-21. By God.
5. Fucking smokin' hot as hell, snotty, rich, stuck-up bitches, who have never had to work for any of their money or material possessions in their life, and who think the world revolves around them. These girls hold a special place in my heart. You will probably recognize them by their preferred nomenclature, "sorority girls at UT." I fucking love these chicks. Seriously. I don't care if they're all devoid of personality and all wear the same exact clothes. I love them, and their herd mentality! Biggest turn-on, by far.
6. Complete apathy toward sports. Let's be honest - unless her name is Linda Cohn, you probably wouldn't want to have any sports-related discussion with any broad. When it comes to talking sports, chicks suck. Nothing is a bigger turn-off than listening to a sorry attempt at off-the-cuff analysis by a member of the fairer species. They're much hotter when they just to go to the game, sit there, and look good.
7. Curly hair. Yowza.
8. Red hair. Fire-crotch. Cha-ching.
9. Curly, red hair. Double whammy of goodness.
10. Jewish chicks. This may only be a turn-on to me because of the whole mystery factor, but it definitely makes the list. One of God's chosen people - also one of my few remaining conquests... I will say this: there is a definite hotness to their bitchiness.
11. A big ass. I like big butts, and I cannot lie. One that you know that after you slap it, you're gonna get some good waves. Actually, following up on that....
12. ...Meat on the bones. Really skinny bitches are kinda nasty. I like 'em a little thick, and I like 'em just a little bit squishy. Or as I like to say, they gotta have that sweet, sweet lovin'.
13. Fashion sense. True, I have none. Does this make me a hypocrite? Of course. Still, chicks have one job: to look as hot as possible. Failure to complete this task is inexcusable. No scrubs allowed. Besides, an ass always looks better in $200 jeans.
14. Some semblance of intellect. Now, I've yet to find a woman who can engage in totally enthralling conversation about anything substantial, but it's always a bit of a turn-on when you find one that can at least volley a bit. Note that I am definitely not talking about liberal arts chicks who think they understand the fucking meaning of life because they've read a couple classics or taken a philosophy class or two. These make me yak. Rather, the hottest are those that balance their intelligence with humility and a truly open mind.
15. Accents. A few get my juices flowing. Obviously, a good ol' Texas accent takes the cake. SO-ho-ho hot. Others that I dig: Mexican, Georgia, Scottish.
16. Glasses. Only on certain women, but it definitely counts as a turn-on. Thick-rimmed? Yes, please. They are oh so cute.
17. Your friends' sisters. I think it's the whole "forbidden fruit" thing that makes them so desirable, but I'll be damned if even the ugliest of chicks isn't ranked a little higher just because, come on, she's your buddy's sister! Think Fast Times at Ridgmont High. Jennifer Jason Leigh... kind of a "butta face." But she was Judge Reinhold's sister! Hot!
18. Not being a Democrat. Nothing is a quicker crush killer than realizing the chick you've had your eye on has a bleeding fucking heart. Oh my Lord, cry me another river about the sad state of affairs in the world, would you please? Do you see this? It's the world's smallest violin playing the world's saddest song. Go kill some more babies or something and get out of my face. Give me my sweet, little, naively conservative girl back. She's so cute and happy!
19. Being cultured. Music, art, architecture, fine dining, wine, film, literature. An attractive woman should at least feign interest in the aesthetic backbone of civilization.
20. And the obligatory number 20: SHAVED, SHAVED, SHAVED.

There you have it. The not quite so end-all list. Now, let's hear yours.

P.S. I should probably give you a picture of the chick that turns me on the mostest as of late. Enjoy.

Karaoke night, Bowl breakdown, and a sneak preview

Skynyryd - Gimme Three Steps
Biggie - Hypnotize
AC/DC - Highway to Hell
Bonnie Tyler - Total Eclipse of the Heart
4 Non Blondes - What's Up?
Los Del Rio - Macarena

I've heard enough stories this morning to piece together my set list from Saturday night at the company Christmas party. People keep swinging by my office and giving me knowing winks before saying "well you sure had fun, didn't you?" or "you're famous now." Someone did it just now. I shit you not.

I was in blackout mode for the last three songs on the list, but apparently I managed to drop a few F-Bombs during Total Eclipse, a la "Old School." Fucking yes. Mission totally accomplished. And yes, I led the dance to the Macarena.

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The good ol' BCS has delivered a decent lineup. 5/10 years to actually do its job isn't too bad, I guess. Oh wait, yeah, it is terrible, but that's for another post. I will, however, go ahead and take this opportunity to say it YET AGAIN: VaTech is now and always has been overrated. PEOPLE: stop buying into the hype that the media generates around this team EVERY YEAR.

Back to the point, I'm really excited about the entire spectrum of bowl games this year. Every BCS game has looks decent on paper, although I would've much rather have seen Notre Dame-Penn State square off. The Paterno-Bowden storyline is pretty lame, if you ask me. UGA-WVU is a statement game for the Mountaineers - I haven't seen the line yet, but I'd be looking for WV to take the SU as a 'dog. ND-OSU... it is what it is.

I wasn't going to do this, but fuck it. I'll go through all the ones I'll be watching...

Arkansas State-Southern Miss Come on, first game of the bowl season! Get in the Holiday spirit!
BYU-Cal These teams are going to trade punches until late in the fourth. Don't miss.
Kansas-Houston Cougs athletics in general are rockin' lately, and they'll give the Jayhawks a run for their money in this one.
ASU-Rutgers I have a secret man-crush on Mike Stoops. He'll slap around the upstart Scarlet Knights. I had a momentary lapse of memory recall regarding my AZ coaches. Sorry Stoops.
Boise State-Boston College Why God created Bowls.
Michigan-Nebraska Time warp 1997? An overplayed storyline for a worthy matchup.
Oregan-OU OU caps off their season-long of improvement with a big win over the Ducks.
Northwestern-UCLA Here's your classic Big 10-Pac 10. I like Northwestern to finish strong.
Miami-LSU Tough one to call... I'm going with a tossup. Must see.
Tulsa-Fresno State Mid-major goodness. I love to watch the little guys scrap.
TCU-Iowa State Gotta see TCU get their 11W season!
Texas Tech-Alabama Holy hell. Are you kidding me? Goooooo. Wreck 'em, Tech.
Louisville-VaTech I like the Cards in what will be considered an upset, but will in reality be more physical proof that the Hokies do, indeed, suck shit.
Auburn-Wisconsin The Barry Alvarez swan song will be off key and, in a word, awful, as Auburn crushes the Badgers.
Notre Dame-OSU Midwest football at its best. A low scoring field position battle, with potential to be a classic. I'll go with the Irish, who'll win with a bit of luck.
Georgia-WVU West Virginia represents their shitty conference with a big time win.
FSU-Penn State JoePa's return to prominence is completed.
USC-Texas Horns roll BIG, and the balance of power in the universe is shifted to the state of Texas, where it rightfully belongs.

That's it for now, boys and girls. Wait patiently!

Coming soon: Angel inspired me to list my biggest turn-ons. You know it's gonna be good, so stay tuned...

The circle is now complete. When I met you I was but the learner. Now, I am the master.

When in the Course of human events, it becomes necessary for one team to dissolve the athletic bands which have connected them with another, and to assume among the powers of the the sports landscape, the separate and higher station to which the Laws of Nature and of Nature's God entitle them, a decent respect to the opinions of mankind requires that they should declare the causes which impel them to the separation.

We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all teams are NOT created equal, that a few are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Dominance, Power and the Pursuit of a National Championship.--That to secure these rights, the BCS is instituted among Men, deriving its just powers from the consent of the conferences.

The Texas separation continues. It's not even remotely hyperbolic to say that we are on entirely different plane of existence than any other college team. January 4th, the period of bloody overthrow will end, and we will leave the field of battle wearing the mantle of conquerors. Brace yourselves - we are about to enter a new era.

TEXAS FIGHT!

It has taken a Lifetime

The hour approaches

So today and tomorrow they're throwing a Big XII Fan Fest (WARNING: evil .pdf), or something to that effect, here in downtown. It starts at noon, so I'll probably walk over right after work and check it out, possibly talk shit to some lame-o Buffs, and definitely have a beer or six. Thank God for half day Fridays. Later tonight is the Longhorn pep rally (gay), immediately followed by the Randy Rogers Band (awesome).

It still hasn't really set in yet that we are actually finally playing for the Conference Championship again. I feel like the break between KU and A&M was a momentum killer for the Longhorn season as a whole. The fact that we looked less than inspiring against the Ags didn't do much to change my mind, either. That said, I don't just want a win tomorrow. I want a homicide. I want to see them slap the cuffs on VY after the game and charge him with first degree. Let's get this train rollin' again. Hook 'em.

Oh yeah, I almost forgot. Whilst watching the Akron - NIU game last night (which was insane, BTW), they showed an interesting stat. Apparently, Texas holds the current D-1 streak for most consecutive season with a 1000+ yard rusher, extending back from 1995-2004. Now, so far this season, Vince has racked up a grand total of 793 yards rushing, while Jamaal Charles holds up second with 782.


SO, while it is plausible that both Vince and JC will each fail to rush for ~200 yards in the span of two games, for the love of all that is holy, let's pray to Holy God that they do, and that the streak continues, or it may be a loooong day in Pasadena on Jan. 4.

Booked, and ready to go

I finally booked my flights this morning.

As you may or may not know, Giz and I are heading up to Maine in January to visit Frankie and freeze our scrawny little asses off. Richard was also invited, but I think he has to work. The trip will hopefully include, but is not limited to: ice fishing, homoerotic snuggling, skeezy Maine bars, a road trip to Montreal to see the legendary strippers (you can touch in Canada), and other forms of debauchery. We'll be sure to photodocument everything... it will be a great time.

I would like to share this with you. It's a clip of quite possibly the gayest man to ever grace the stage of the Price is Right. I can't stop laughing at the poor bastard. Classic.

EDIT:

So I was checking the tracking for the site, and I saw referral I didn't recogzine.

I check it out, and it takes me to this (this blog used to be named "My Spoon is Too Big," many moons ago) Can someone do some research on Blogshares, and tell me what the hell it is and how it works. As you can see, someone has invested in us:



Giz, I assign you to research.